As many of you know I am extreme Extravert in all of its ways! I love being around people, I love talking to people, I love helping people, I love learning from people, and I even processes things with people.
I scored a 100% extrovert and 0% introvert on my personality test that we took before coming on the race. So needless to say I would have never thought that the day would come when I got sick of people. I mean I am human and have gotten sick of people before the race especially people that try your patience. However the race brings a whole other twist to the meaning of being an Extravert.
I have come to realize in many situations its like going to a conference or a retreat with a ton of people but you don't get to leave and go home at the end of the week or month you just start the conference all over again. This has caused many different emotions about being around people for long periods of time.
This month was probably the most difficult on my independent mentality as well as my pride. I was at the mercy of many people because of my injury and then at the mercy of many people because of our location. I was very dependent on people to help me in my everyday living from getting me food to helping me put on my socks. I enjoyed being alone to some degree and then I hated being alone while everyone else was at ministry or somewhere else.
When I finally was better and able to do everything on my own and be a part of the outside world I was unable to be alone because of our safety. This was a rude awakening of what being an independent extrovert really means.
My back yard was the beach and I was not able to go whenever I wanted like I would if I was at home. I was unable to be on the campus or go anywhere without someone else with me. We had two other teams with us this month and you would think this would be helpful for our buddy system however, in reality it just meant 15 extra people with 15 extra agendas.
As women we are generally never allowed to go anywhere without someone else with us. This month we needed at least 3 other girls or a guy and another girl to leave the camp ground because of safety. I am very grateful for this rule and understand the restrictions that are placed on me for my safety however sometimes I just want to be alone.
When your on the race and around at least 5 other people 24/7 plus ministry people at least 8 hrs of the 24 you start to realize what you miss about being at home. At home I was involved with many ministries and loved being around large groups. My home was filled with lots of people my motto the more the merrier! I did even really realize until now how much I liked being independent and how much I did on my own.
I never understood why someone would want do things on their own. I never wanted to eat alone, sit alone, or sit in my room alone. I never understood why anyone would want to do those things along if they weren't being punished. However that has all changed at the age of 26 cause right now I would give anything to have my own room to be sent to and sit in it all alone.
What I have realized recently that I miss doing on my own is … going grocery shopping, going to the beach, going to the store, driving in my car, being in my home, drinking a cup of coffee, cleaning, singing, dancing, cooking, doing laundry etc… these are just a few things you start to realize that you did by yourself at home but now you don't get to do again until the end of the race. You can try and hide out and do a few of these things by yourself but somehow there is always someone around the corner for your safety to see or hear you doing what your doing.
I would not go home for any of these reasons but I am learning and starting to understand why introverts are the way they are. Sometimes you just need to get away to hear yourself think and be ok with just you and Jesus or even just you. I do love my life on the race and it is only 11 months out of your whole life that you loose a little bit of privacy. And in hindsight I believe it does train you for the future.
It trains you to live life with the opposite sex as well as living life dependent on 5 other people's agendas rather than just your own. It trains you to give up what you think are your rights and what you think you deserve. It trains you in patience and understanding for what someone else maybe struggling with. It has given me a new understanding and respect for introverts. In many ways "I the extreme extrovert" have converted to many "I" like tendencies that I never thought I would enjoy until now.
With these struggles of being an independent extrovert The Lord is teaching me a healthy balance between being an introvert and extrovert and being independent and dependent on Him and others.
