it’s funny what sitting and just being with God can do. He wants nothing more than to bathe us in His love…to show us how wonderfully & uniquely we are made…to release us from our fears, doubts & insecurities…to give us the desires of our heart. unfortunately, we fill our days with so many “to do’s” and coffee dates, bible studies and fellowship, “need to’s,” “want to’s” & “have to’s” that we don’t have enough time left over to just rest in Him. it took me a few weeks of sitting for hours just to end up with even 15 or 20 solid minutes of true stillness with Him, but when i got there, they were the most wonderful 15 or 20 minutes you could imagine. no bible, no music, no worship, no journal, no book; just me and Him.
since i found that place, anywhere else pales in comparison. you see, when i got there, God tenderly unlocked that secret place in my heart. the place where i store the things that i peek at only every so often…
the fears & inadequacies that i don’t even admit to myself (much less others) that i have.
the passions. my heart’s true desires that i long for but dismiss all too quickly. “it’s just a dream. i couldn’t do it anyway…it isn’t realistic. people would think i’m crazy.”
you’d think that unveiling that level of your heart to yourself would be painful and leave you feeling raw, and if done by anyone else likely could leave you feeling that way. but not at the hand of our God. He is tender, gentle, patient and kind, and His timing is perfect.
the things that God asked me to release to Him in africa are not new, but i understand new depths of how they have impacted my life. in releasing comparison, confidence and compromising, God is revealing to me dreams that i have stifled and desires that i have dismissed. one thing that has been established in a totally new way is not settling – in my relationships, in pursuing my dreams, in how i live my life. i know i am not alone in this and that God has laid this on my heart for many of us to learn from.
what would it look like if we all pursued our passions boldy? the Lord provides always. He gives us the desires of our heart always. not just if we go to church on sunday. not just if we’re missionaries. He provides for everyone who walks boldy in and is obedient to the desires of their heart.
the best way to step into this new desire He’s given me has been to pretty much just dive in. to step out of my normal ways and allow myself to actually need Him. for a type-a person, this doesn’t come naturally, but i’m getting there. i want to get to that place where i truly have no backup plans, truly don’t worry about all of the little details, truly am led by His whisper. because if i never have a need, how will i ever know that He is truly my provider?
the catch is that i have to trust Him completely. i have to give Him my worries, my doubts, my insecurities, my passions, my desires, my heart. it means total surrender & total obedience in order to be fully alive – when He is fully alive within me. and then, if i am completely His, He will return all that i have given to Him in the unmatched ways that only He can.
i wrestle with God about giving things up and how it’s going to hurt. then i surrender…and it’s surprisingly not nearly as painful as i make it out to be. there’s a freedom and a peace that comes from trusting our patient, loving, gentle Father.
this is what we have to learn right from the beginning: to listen to the voice of God in our heart, and then in the silence of the heart God speaks. then from the fullness of our hearts, our mouth will have to speak.
in silence he listens to us; in silence He speaks to our souls. in silence we are granted the privilege of listening to His voice. silence of our eyes. silence of our ears. silence of our mouths. silence of our minds. …in the silence of the heart God will speak.
~ mother teresa
