If a I had to pick a verse to sum up what the Lord was teaching me this month, it would be Ephesians 3:17b-19:
“And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge–that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”
The Lord completely wrecked my heart this month. I have seen a glimpse of the width, length, height and depth of his love, and it was more than I could wrap my mind around. He taught me what it meant to pour your heart out and love someone. I got a taste of the pain that comes from loving someone too. The boys from the orphanage that I spent most of my time with each have different stories.
They come from different family situations and have distinctly different personalities, but the Lord has them all together in this home in Puerto Cabezas. And being the incredible God that He is, he worked my life to the point that I got to meet them. He equipped me with Spanish 7 years ago. He set me down in the middle of a town ravaged by a hurricane. I thought I was there to do construction.
“Ha, thats what you think. Oh just you wait,” he lovingly chuckled.
He then proceeded to cunningly draw me deeper into the world of these precious boys through our shared love for baseball. And before I knew what had happened, BOOM! I was hooked. I was irreversably and undeniably in love with these kids. My defenses were gone. I couldn’t hold back. I couldn’t keep them at a distance. I couldn’t stay away just long enough to get out of the country unscathed. I loved them. I wanted to change the world for them. I wanted to give them everything. I wanted to help them through their pain. I wanted them to know love and security and peace and hope. I wanted to give them opportunities and education and joy. And then the Lord tapped me on the shoulder and said this to me:
“You know how much you love these boys? That’s how I feel about you. Except my love is exponentially greater. But now you see my heart don’t you? Now you are beginning to understand what I want for you. Go, my daughter and love them like I love you.”
So I did, and it was great until February 28 came, and we had to leave. My heart broke into hundreds of pieces. I went to the Lord and said, ” What’s going on? I didn’t know love hurt like this. Why do I ache? Why do I have to leave? Why did you let me get so close if you knew I would be hurt this way?”
My good and loving God replied,“Now you understand a little more about my love. You can’t have great pain unless you have great love. But you never know you have great love until you have the great pain that comes from missing it. Trust them to me. I love them like I love you. I will take care of them. Your life and theirs are greater because you met each other. But your lives are completely changed because of me. You showed my love, to them and they in return showed my love to you. I have a question for you now. Do you understand now why love requires sacrifice? Unless you are willing to let yourself be hurt, you won’t give your all. If you don’t give all of yourself, you are not showing my true love.”
I spent as much time with the boys as I could before we left. I hugged them over and over again. They asked me when I was coming back and all I could say was, “One day. I don’t know when, but I will be back.” I told them the Lord loves them and that I do to. As I got on the plane that day, I cried. I pleaded with the Lord to take care of them and to send others to love them as well.
He said, “I will. They are my children too. Thank you for loving them.” And I said back, “Thank you for loving me.”
