So many times in this Christian life we try to find our identity in what we do. I never realized this before until I started discussing the ministry last month with one of my fellow racers. We look to the things we do like our jobs or our hobbies or our interests to qualify who we are. You may I love college football, so your identity comes through being a fan of a particular team. Or you may say my profession is an IT person so you identify yourself as a computer specialist. You use things you do to set you apart and define who you are. This is also true in ministry and the mission field. I am a missionary because I give to orphans or I get to lead people to Christ or I get to travel around the world and preach and teach the gospel. God showed me this past month that my identity however does not come from these things. I don’t discover who I am through what I do. I learned that because we had a lot of down time in Botswana. I found myself getting frustrated and wondering what was going on. I asked God questions like, “Why did you bring us here? What do you want me to do? Where are you working and how can I help?” His response was, “Just be with me.”
The ongoing dialogue continued something like this:
“Huh? Are you sure? Wait, what does that mean?”
“Heather, I have things to teach you about me. Sit there and listen.”
“Ok, but what do you want me to do here? I mean we have to have a job or mission or purpose of some sort right.”
“All I want you to do right now is be with me.”
“But, ummm, are you sure you just want me to sit here? Maybe this is just me wanting be lazy. I need to try harder and do more right?!”
“Nope, just sit there and listen and enjoy me.”
Silence, crickets chirping, hard thought and bewilderment on my part.
“Ok, I’m here.”
“Now that I have your attention my daughter here is what I want to say. I love you and I mean it. This is my time to show you who you are in me, not what you are supposed to do.”
” Wow God you love me?! I mean I knew it, but I didn’t really know it.”
“Yes I love you more than you will ever know.”
“Thank you daddy, I love you too. Show me more.”
That is basically how my month went. God taught me that I am not always going to be doing. Sometimes I need to know Him and just get to experience His love. He is changing me and growing me and refining me into His child. He is also teaching me about Christianity being how you live all the time and not just the ministry you do. Being Christ comes in smiling at a random stranger or listening to a distraught teammate just as much as it does in preaching a sermon or sharing the Gospel of Christ. God is in us all the time and our lives should reflect Him all the time. However, we can’t reflect what we don’t know. We must spend time with Him so He can show in our lives. Sometimes we just need to be with Him and forget what we think we have to do.
