If it’s true the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the same result each and every time, then I am most definitely insane.
You see, ever since I can remember I have been the kind of girl who thinks she is Superwoman. I convince myself I have super strength, I can fly, I can fight off villains who are ten times my size, and my jewelry has magical powers. I also am a regular old citizen with a job and family and friends and hobbies. I am Superwoman.
Except… not at all. Turns out, I just like to think and act like I am.
Just when I think I can handle everything and anything that comes my way I am knocked down and find myself at the feet of Jesus completely exhausted, completely debilitated, and completely passionless. My desire to do absolutely anything is more distant than the moon. I feel my energy waning, and at the same time the feeling of guilt for not doing enough creeps in and becomes the nasty monster that Guilt can be. This is not Superwoman. This is not me. This is not who my Father created me to be.
“My dear daughter, you are not Superwoman. So, be still and know who I AM. There you will find who you are.”
You see, I hit a breaking point. There weren’t tears, there wasn’t a fit, there wasn’t an event that brought it to light. It was so gradual, and the worst part is that I knew what was happening; yet I kept trucking down the path anyhow. I guess if I had to pin the moment it hit me it would be when I glanced over my colorful calendar. Usually I like color. A lot of it. But not this time. My heart sunk and my head began to swirl. I couldn’t think of the things I meant to put on my to do list anymore because I got distracted earlier and never wrote them down. I couldn’t think of a course of action to take to plan the details of the fundraising party I am having on Saturday.
My train of thought crashed into another invading train of worry and business.
“I have to do X, Y, and Z for the party. Email this person. Call her. Get that.”
“I have to write my next blog post… it’s long over due… but what do I write about?!”
“I should be with that friend right now but I can’t because I am exhausted beyond words.”
“I have got to figure out how the heck I am going to get all this MONEY!”
“I need to go to the gym. That is my place of sanity and clarity… But I am so tired!”
“God, why can’t you make this season pass? I just want to be ministering to your children all around the globe already!”
Many thoughts much like these raced through my head. All I wanted to do was curl up in a hole in the ground and stay there until this season of my life passes over. I found myself hating that I had to raise $17,000, and I found myself bitter about being exhausted from lack of sleep because of worry. I found myself beating myself up because I scheduled my fundraising party the weekend so many are out of town. I found myself upset and angry about my mistake of over-committing and not being able to stay true to my “yes’s” and “no’s.”
“Be still and know that I am GOD.”
Huh?
“Be still and know that I am GOD.”
My first thought: God, I think you should be still and know that I am Superwoman. I don’t have time to be still. And I already know you are God!
Yea. I get sassy with God sometimes. Thankfully he is full of grace and unconditional love. He gently responded again with, “My dear daughter, you are not Superwoman. So, be still and know who I AM. There you will find who you truly are.”
The sting of these words finally struck me and I realized that I wasn’t seeking the Lord and resting in the knowledge of who He is. I was only focusing on my tasks and how I was going to accomplish so much that felt so out of my control. Funny thing is that it is out of my control because God is in control.
“Yours, O Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the victory and the majesty, for all that is in the heavens and in the earth is yours. Yours is the kingdom, O Lord, and you are exalted as head above all. Both riches and honor come from you, and you rule over all. In your hand are power and might, and in your hand it is to make great and to give strength to all.” – I Chronicles 29:11
He is the one who is full of power and might. He is the one who is over all that is in heaven and earth. He is the one who controls my funds. He is the one who has power to make me great. It has nothing to do with my feeble attempts at being Superwoman.
Exodus 14:14 says, “The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.” The Lord fights my battles every day. Not me. Not by my might nor by my will, but by the Lord’s greatness and majesty. His “I AM”-ness does it all for me.
We must be still and silent. Do not worry and panic and ponder the possibility of the things He is already made possible because of His “I AM”-ness. In Him, everything is made possible. Even raising $17,000. Even throwing a party for an unknown number of people in t-minus 3 days. Even writing blog posts and actually making sense (hopefully… fingers crossed!). Even being the friend we all wish to be.
He makes it all happen when we are still, silent, and actively watching and listening for our cue to follow His orders. And when we are still and silent, He reminds us that we are His children. We are His servant’s. We are His hands and feet. And our main reason for existence is to bring to light His glory on the earth.
I would much rather rest in stillness and silence while God fights for me and gains the victory than trust in my own unreliable, inadequate powers that fall short of His glory.
Rest in the stillness and silence He so eagerly provides for us and watch Him take the reigns. He will fight for you. I AM will bring to completion all that He has begun in us!
“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” – Philippians 1:6
