Month two has come and gone. What a whirlwind of a month it was! I cannot believe that it is already over… As much as I loved this month, it was hard and grueling. Nothing about it was really easy.
I’ll be honest, in India we were pampered and spoiled. Everything meal was cooked and served to us in over abundance, we had plenty of time to recuperate after each day of ministry and spend time with the Lord one-on-one. We didn’t even really know what we had until we didn’t have it anymore. This is certainly not to say that our accommodations in Nepal have been less than stellar. We have been incredibly blessed by our hosts with a wonderful house in a safe place with a view from the roof that never gets old. So, what was hard and grueling about Nepal?
Imagine this: 50+ of us living in a four story guesthouse. Living in the same house with that many people means you literally get no alone time. None. At all. Quiet time with the Lord looks like sitting amongst the chaos of exploded packs, the smell of propane gas leaks from cooking on a run down gas stove, people stepping over you or needing to ask you a pressing question at that very moment, etc. It’s crazy.
The bathrooms… oh, the bathrooms. My floor, the basement, had 17 people living in one room and sharing one squatty potty. I’m just going to let your imagination run wild for a second knowing that EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US got sick at some point this month… yea. Moving on form that disturbing image.
We got to cook for each other this month! This was fun, but definitely stretching. At one point, my floor had only one burner working, and the propane gas was so strong that I had to leave my kitchen duty because my eyes literally felt like they had one hundred little fire ants bighting at them. The portion sizes were drastically smaller than any of us were used to. This, of course, is something we adjusted to by the end of the second week as our stomachs shrunk and our appetites decreased with all of our sickness. Regardless, we had to learn to serve one another and be selfless when it came to scooping our own portions. This sounds like such a small lesson to learn, but when you are stripped of most things you find “comfortable” at home, putting others before you and taking less food than you want or think you need is no small task. Leaving your entitled attitude at the door is not as simple as you’d expect. It’s exhausting, actually.
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” – Philippians 2:3-4
I can’t say that I got even close to mastering this. I’m pretty sure I failed more than I succeeded, but this is community of grace and love. As Racer’s, we’ve been told time and time again to “Dig in!” Choose in to the hard conversations and the constructive feedback. Don’t become complacent and stunted in growth as a unit. But, this month, I think I let myself coast. I think I stunted my own growth. I’ve asked myself several times, “Am I doing this wrong?” More times than not, I gave in to my fleshly desires and chose to not call my teammates to greater things. I didn’t “dig in” when it was hard because… well, it was hard. I chose the easy way out and made excuses in my head of why I didn’t “have to” say this or that. In reality, this has revealed a selfishness within myself which I didn’t even know existed. It’s selfish to not call my brothers and sisters to greatness. It’s selfish to ignore the needs of those around me because I am not comfortable. So, to “do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others more significant than myself” has proved to be a challenge. I want to be humble. I want to be a servant to those around me. I do not want to be selfish. When I admitted that I think I am sometimes selfish to one of my great friends at home before coming on the Race, she responded, “Then don’t be. If you’re afraid that you are selfish, then change something. Do something about it.” Jen, thank you. That didn’t click until now, but those words are with me these few months later.
What does “doing something about it” look like? It looks like getting out of my warm sleeping bag to open the door for someone for the fifth time in twenty minutes instead of making my teammate do it. It looks like cleaning the dishes and the kitchen with a cheerful heart and making sure that everything looks better than when I first walked in. It looks like calling out the things in my teammates that I see are holding them back from being great in Christ even when it calls for an uncomfortable conversation, because I love them and only want the best for them. It means dying to myself and cleaning the squatty potty after sick people. It means sharing half of my sandwich with my squad mate who forgot to pack their lunch. It means giving a back massage and expecting nothing in return. It means letting my team use my favorite nail polish (oof, that was hard to type out…). It means running to the store to get juice for my sick friend even when I feel sick myself. It means listening to that teammate express herself in a million words even when all I want to do is be alone with the Lord.
I am grateful for this community of grace I serve along side. I am grateful I get to learn from my faults and move on. I’m grateful that I can be real and admit my wrongs and know that they will love me even more. I’m grateful that I get an endless amount of chances to “dig in.” I just pray that I will start truly “digging in” sooner rather than later.
Where are you becoming complacent in your community? What are the things that you do that are from a place of selfish ambition or conceit? Can you really say that you consider others more significant than yourself? I challenge you to DIG IN. Choose in to the people God has placed in your path.
“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” – Proverbs 27:17
Are you letting yourself be sharpened by others? Are you letting yourself get that close to those around you? I challenge you to let walls down and let the sharpening begin. Let the people God has placed in your life be iron against your iron and dig in. Choose the hard conversations and the humble acts of service.
South Africa is just around the corner. We leave tomorrow afternoon for Cape Town. My prayer for this month is to truly begin digging in. No more surface level. No more complacency. It’s time for real conversations about real, hard things that call forth the glory of God within each other. It’s time for iron to sharpen iron and to consider others more significant than myself.
