When God put the World Race on my radar at the end of July 2015, I saw the potential for a life-long dream to be lived out in real-time. I was filled with hope, and moved to tears that He’d bring me something that I’ve wanted for so long – to backpack the big, wide world He’d created. It’s only been a few months since that pivotal moment, and I am just beginning to see what He is actually offering me.
When God called Noah to build a ship, Abraham to father a nation, and Moses to lead people out of slavery…I wonder if they had any sense of the internal cost required to pioneering a path after God? I wonder if they found it challenging to build, believe, and BE re-built as they waited to see promises come to life. It’s their time of transition that’s got my attention.
At our housing location with local friends from the Outpour Movement and Famous Rays Restaurant (who are doing some incredible things to build the Kingdom in Mae Sot and even over the border into Burma, which is just minutes away) – I came across a book called “A Divine Confrontation” by Graham Cooke. In it he writes:
“Transition cracks the shell of our personality and breaks open our hardness. Frustration is the key to development. Part of our frustration is caused by a history of disappointments and unfulfillment. We half expect to get thwarted again and so we get our shot in first. We have learned how to see the flaws, the cracks, the negatives in situations and people because our protective shell looks to guard itself against intruders.” (pg. 223)
Transition appears to have three components: A time of closure, the process of change, and then entering into the promised land.
Before the Race, I felt like God brought closure to everything I knew about my old life, which included a lot of time facing fears, healing from disappointments and unfulfilled needs, and walking through forgiveness. Now that He’s broken down more of my “protective shell,” He’s given me the opportunity to question everything while remaining wide open in the face of community – to really take stock of what makes me, me.
What ARE my passions? What do I want to be known for? Who do I want to be? What am I capable of? What was I created to do?
As a result, during the last few days I’ve had a big, giant (wonderful) episode of: “I have NO idea how to answer those questions…YET. And I’m okay with that.”
Why?
Because I know that having faith to follow Him will mean living with varying degrees of mystery. Because He leads me to random books in houses in foreign countries just to comfort me and say that I’m doing alright.
There ARE hard places in me that need softening. Frustration HAS revealed to me where He is wanting to work. I know He is drawing me into a greater level of freedom and abundant life. It is for this reason that I am willing to chase God into the Great Unknown.
I’m sure Noah, Abraham, and Moses all had deeply internal “desert seasons” of deconstruction and restoration before they became the great men we read about.
It is my heart is to submit to the process, and I am committed to doing this well. I know the Heather that’s going to come out the other side of this is someone I really want to meet.
