During our debrief week in Bali, I hit a wall within myself. I’d been struggling with feelings of disconnection from my team and questions of whether I belong with them.
What do I have to offer them?
Do I fit with them?
Do I even belong?
After an evening session with the squad, I asked Steph (one of our squad leaders) to help me get to the root of what was producing this disconnected feeling. As we walked the winding corridors back towards our hostel, I poured out my thoughts over the roar of passing mopeds while she patiently listened, occasionally asking questions for clarification. We plopped down on the curb across from the hostel, beneath the evening shadow of the local Hindu temple and began to pray.
It was a beautiful moment. God brought to mind an area in my childhood that needed healing, and I was getting excited to see the disconnected feelings dealt with…then out of the endless stream of passing motorbikes, a guy stops and says: “You crying?”
Steph and I look up to see a young asian man looking at us from his moped. We assured him that we were fine – just talking and praying. Next thing we know, he’s parked his bike and he’s sitting down next to us.
He told us that he sees a lot of tourists crying because they get their stuff stolen, and we explained that we were just praying, asking God to heal my heart. No one had stolen from us.
We talked about family and music, and he asked what we thought about the Hindu temple behind us. He explained that he’d grown up Muslim but didn’t really follow that with his heart. Steph shared that we were Christians and asked if he’d like us to pray for him to experience the love of God. He said “yes.”
This “interruption” in my conversation with Steph had me on high alert. God was up to something in this “random” moment.
We called over Ryan and Drew (two very compassionate and kind men on our squad) to pray with our new Muslim friend, and Jeremy (a squad leader who grew up in Indonesia and knows the language) to help answer questions that could get lost in translation.
As they prayed, I watched the young man’s face relax from somber to peaceful…like he was experiencing warm rain on his face. He gestured towards his chest, saying he could feel warmth in his heart. In the next moment, I could see Darkness tightening its grip on the young man. The battle we live in is real. The men continued to pray and talk a while longer, and our new friend left saying he planned to visit a church with another Christian the next day.
What a random interruption! Haha. (Please pray for this young man to know Christ!)
Steph and I returned to our conversation as the guys wandered back towards the hostel. Everything began falling into place. My feelings of disconnection stemmed from the wrong perspective I held. The things that make me different and unique are the same things that bring life to the places God plants me.
So between the memory of feeling out-of-place in a grade-school classroom, and then praying for a Muslim outside a Hindu temple – I’ve realized God’s view on belonging is much different than mine.
The truth is: I belong anywhere God leads me…
…because I only truly belong with Him.
