Cotton candy clouds and red dirt that shimmers. Silhouettes of fisherman paddling toward the sun on wooden boats. The brown tint of feet that you’ve stopped trying to diagnose as tan and have accepted as just really dirty. Village children that run up to you expectantly each time you stroll past. Scowling faces that erupt into smiles the minute you call out “Muli Bwange!” New mosquito bites that scream for an itch each day and the heat of the sun that feels like it may actually be just inches from your head. The joy of passion fruit Fanta in glass bottles and the uncertainty of Africa in monsoon season.
Malawi is beautiful yet unexpected. I thought I was entering our bush month prepared- mentally, spiritually and physically. I even brought peanut butter! Yet, this month has been almost nothing like the scene I’d prepared in my head. It’s often felt like lots of work yet often felt like I was doing nothing. Early in our time here, Johan called us together and asked us to do an ATL (ask the Lord) regarding the plans for the day. Those of us at the compound split into 2 teams and spent some time doing what he’d asked. When we returned with our answers of “gratitude and healing”, Johan said that he’d received something similar from God. But, rather than go out to do ministry, he wanted us to focus on 3 words together as a group: Forgiveness, Enough and Healing. We sat in the concrete room of the discipleship school for two and a half hours figuring out what those things meant for our group. We shared stories and encouragement and scripture. We prayed for each other individually and worshipped together as a group. At the end, we split off and spent time journaling and seeking what God had for each of us in Malawi.
This is not what I expected. Multiple times, Johan has called us together and pushed us toward deeper intimacy with one another and with the Lord. He’s shared his heart with us and shared his struggles. He’s cancelled off-site ministry and grounds work projects in favor of growth for our squad. So far, this month has looked a lot more like intentional seeking of God and pursuit of one another than evangelism or orphanages. If you’d asked me at the start of the month, I would have told you that we didn’t need time spent like that. I’d have told you that daily devotions and worship in the evenings would suffice. Conversations over meals and tent talk before bed would meet all of our relational needs. Yet this unexpected gift of time has been glorious.
At debrief, our squad leader Hannah spoke the word of freedom over me. She had a picture of me running through a field looking behind me at metal pieces that had fallen from my ankles. She encouraged me to live in assurance of that freedom knowing that even if I make a mistake or fall, I’m running with the Lord and He will pick me up and carry me forward. As she shared with me, I wept and knew it was truth from God. Journaling one morning, similar thoughts came to mind: Malawi will be a place of freedom for me.
I’m so thankful for ministry that looks different than expected. I’m grateful for depth and intentional conversations and space for self-care in the midst of hardworking days. Too often, I become bound by my own expectations and miss the beauty that each moment holds. I think things should be done a certain way or an experience should contain specific things to count as valuable. Those are both lies. When I remember to embrace the beauty of the unknown, the result is often glorious gratitude rather than tight fisted control. Plus, it’s impossible to open the unexpected gift of today when your hands are tied up clenching other things.
Today, let go of control and expectation and embrace the beautiful gifts that God wants to shower on you. Resist the urge to fight against it. Lean in and see what unexpected glory emerges in your day.
