The only advice we were given was to come with no expectations other than to expect God to show up. What did not register as clearly was to not have an expectation as to HOW God would show up.
My week started off great! I woke up an hour before my alarm on May 18th with less than six hours of sleep, yet fully rested. Anyone who knows me will understand the miracle in this as I am the one who barely functions on eight hours and prefers around 10-12 hours each night. However, this day was different. God's grace covered me and carried me all the way to Training Camp in White, Georgia.
At 4:15am, I was out the door and on my way to pick up a new friend. The drive was the smoothest drive I have ever had. Preparing for the worst, the Lord gave us the best and we arrived in record time. We registered and set up our tents while beginning the process of getting to know over 60 new faces. I was ready and expectant for nothing other than a life changing week.
Each day of Training Camp had trials of its own. It was designed to prepare us as much as possible for the differences in life overseas so we continually faced different types of food, sleeping arrangements and hygiene practices. Training Camp also taught us that plans can and will change and schedules are not always made and followed. However, I did not particularly struggle with any of this so there was not much to overcome. The food was not repulsive (and sometimes delicious), I slept well enough and the weather was mostly good.
The first few days of Camp were also full of excellent teachings. These were the kinds of teachings God likes to move in and heal broken bodies, broken hearts and broken souls. Many other World Racers-to-be were radically healed and changed during these times, but it appeared God did not care to show up for me. When everyone else was dealing with inner demons, I was a-ok. I didn't understand why my experience was so different and I was a little embarrassed about it.
Halfway through the week, team formation activities began. I enjoyed the dynamics of the different teams and the bonding that occurred through the experiences, but I sensed the greatest struggles of Training Camp, meaning the greatest opportunities for growth, had come to an end and rejection started to creep in. Did it mean God had overlooked me because He didn't give me the extreme experiences He gave to others? Why did God leave the broken places in my heart? What better opportunity to heal than at Training Camp? What about the Squad? For the first time in my life, I felt as though I could be myself when meeting new people, but it was not enough. What was so wrong with me that I could not connect with people? Will my introverted nature forever hinder me from friends? Satan took full advantage of feeding my thoughts in the times I struggled to connect with God and by the last night of Training Camp, I wanted to go home. The World Race just is not for people like me.
I would like to say this is where God showed up, spoke incredible encouragement and gave peace to my heart, but He didn't. I broke down and cried and cried and cried. One of my Squad Leaders and a couple of the girls on my Squad came to pray for me. It was encouraging and my heart calmed, but I still did not feel as though God had His way. He had not done what He wanted to do, or maybe it was what I thought He wanted to do. I was anxious to get home and get before God to see what He would do, how He would move and if He would heal the brokenness in my heart because Training Camp had clearly failed.
It is now about three days after Training Camp has come to an end and I am still trying to process this last week and what went wrong. Then it hits me, God DID show up! he showed up in the form of the staff. Every time I spoke with one of them, He was there. In their gentleness, in their sincerity, and in their service, He was there. In their love, in their genuineness, in their intentionality and in their grace, He was there. He was in their eyes. He was in their smiles. He was in their words, in their prayers and in their hugs.
I'm not sure, but I don't think Jesus ever healed any of the disciples. I don't think He performed any great miracles in their hearts directly. I think the majority of the miracles the disciples saw were performed on and for others. The disciples did not change because of what God did within them; they changed because they spent time with Jesus. And that is exactly what I got to do all week; I got to spend time with Jesus in the form of the World Race and Adventures in Missions staff! As a result, I returned home changed. My heart is a little softer and my love a little deeper.
