I want to share a story of the pursuit of God, or rather His pursuit of us, because it is the most beautiful story I know.
It all started, to my knowledge, in 5th grade when a friend of mine, Elizabeth, came over after school to play. She told me she prayed a prayer the night before asking Jesus into her heart. I was a little freaked out by this because I had gone to church my whole life and never heard of such a thing. She failed to sufficiently answer my questions and I was too scared to ask my parents. Later that night I prayed telling God I wanted to know what she meant and asked Him to never let me go.
As time went on, I forgot all about this prayer. 6th grade came around and, as I was waiting for my ride home one day, I overheard some older students asking each other if they believed in Jesus. This was the first time it occurred to me not everyone believes in Jesus. Who doesn't believe in Jesus? Again, I was a little freaked out wondering if maybe I could be wrong. How awful to go through my whole life believing one thing just to discover at the end I had it all wrong!
By 8th grade, I was begging my parents to let me skip church on Sundays. I hated it and the pastor was mean; they finally gave in.
Fall of my sophomore year in high school, November of 2000, I got a job at Chick-fil-A. The people were different. They were Christians AND cool. I was actually excited about getting to know them, but was really offended when we would get into discussions about faith and they spoke to me like I wasn't a Christian. I had gone to church my whole life and believed in Jesus; how could I not be a Christian?!
One of my co-workers invited me to a church camp the following summer and God showed up the very first night. For the first time in my life, I knew God was personal. At that point I realized I had no idea what it meant to be a Christian. All I knew is I wanted to spend the rest of my life finding out because this God was good.
Well, it only took 6 months before the excitement was gone. The youth group didn't like me and intentionally excluded me from everything. I was not allowed to join the college group and grown up church is no place for a teenager to connect. I didn't know what I was doing wrong, but if the church wouldn't accept me, God must not accept me either.
I never stopped believing in God. I still prayed and tried to figure out what I was doing so wrong. I tried to seek God's will for my life, but the lack of Christian friends and lack of discipleship really made things difficult when it came to walking out my faith. I just wanted to be accepted so I waivered between the Christian life, whatever that was, and following what 'normal' people my age did.
Life continued to become increasingly difficult. By the time college rolled around, I thought my life's problems would all be solved. It was a fresh start and I thought the change of scenery and people would give me the freedom to finally live my life and just be me. That didn't work out so well. I crashed and I crashed hard.
There was still a longing in my heart to know the God who met me at camp the summer between my sophomore and junior years in high school, but I didn't know how. The restlessness and longing for more finally got the best of me and I did a DTS (Discipleship Training School) with YWAM (Youth With A Mission) in the fall of 2005. God met me there in a huge way. He healed a lot of brokenness and for the first time in my life, I knew what I was made for – to walk with God. I felt so alive! I have never known such freedom before or since.
DTS came to an end all too soon. I had no idea what to do next so I went home and back to my own life. A couple of years went by and I was stuck. I felt like I had missed my opportunity to live for God because I just couldn't figure out how to get it right.
Restlessness and the longing for something more got the best of me again and in the fall of 2007 I was headed to Germany for SBS (School of Biblical Studies) with YWAM. God did what He wanted to in me during that time. I finally could accept that the fact I was still breathing alone gave proof God had not given up on me. But, I still didn't know how to keep moving forward.
I worked for a year and, again, found myself stuck. I walked out on my job and vowed to seek the Lord. This time I would follow Him; this time I would do anything He asked. After one month, I panicked and moved for a job. I thought this was God's will because I prayed about it a lot, but now I think God was meeting me halfway. He gave me what I wanted until He could get my attention to surrender to Him.
Every single summer, the restlessness would surface as well as another opportunity to follow God, but every single time I reasoned my way out. After 3 years of ignoring God, He allowed my circumstances drive me to a place of desperation and again, I walked out on my job. This time was it. This time was all or nothing. So I waited and I prayed. It took God 6 months to lead me to The World Race, but when He did, He asked me, "Are you ready to follow Me now?"
After all these years, after all this struggle, after all the settling for mediocrity, I am ready. So here I am, 28 years old and only 25 days away from launching into this 11 month adventure of faith and so in awe that God never gave up on me. He pursued me relentlessly my whole life in hopes that one day I would finally turn to Him and say yes.
Friends, if God has so relentlessly pursued me, how much more is He pursuing you? How much more does He want your heart so He can make you more alive than you ever dreamed possible? What a great God Who NEVER gives up on us! What a great God Who NEVER stops loving us! This is a God I can love. This is a God I can live for. This is the year I finally say yes and learn what walking with God is all about.
Are you in?
