Friends, I must confess that I have continued to wonder and pray if now is the time to seek employment or if God's words still stand… until I came across this verse:
"God is not a man, so he does not lie.
He is not human, so he does not change his mind.
Has he ever spoken and failed to act?
Has he ever promised and not carried it through?"-Numbers 23:19
Today was the day I was to read the book of Numbers. Today has a full schedule and I wasn't sure I wanted to dive into such a long book, but I decided to take the plunge.
The more I invest, the more the return, right?
The more of God’s Word I store in my heart, the more the Lord will change me and prepare me for ministry.
In Numbers 11, I read how the Israelites, the Lord's people, were in the wilderness and began to complain about their hardships. This made God angry so He sent a fire that killed some of them.
The people still were not shaken and were still bold enough to complain about the food.
They were tired of eating manna and reminisced of all the delicious food they had when they were slaves in Egypt. They craved meat above all else. The Lord became angry with them for their dissatisfaction and complaining, but He gave them meat to eat. In fact, He told them He would give them meat to eat not just one or two days, but for a whole month until they were sick of it! The Lord answered their desires, but
as the people were eating the meat, the Lord's anger raged against them and He killed those who were craving the meat in the first place and grumbling against God.
Now, I don't believe I am actively grumbling against God for my unemployment, but my heart is dissatisfied with not being able to earn my way.
I have always had what I needed and if I wanted something,
I saved for it.
If I did not have the money,
I didn't go where I wanted to go,
do what I wanted to do
or purchase the item I desired.
I went without if the money was not there. That is just how life was. No big deal.
But, I feel called to this World Race and I do not have the means to pay my own way this time.
As I read through this story, I felt slightly convicted. The Lord spoke very clearly that I was not to seek employment, but I keep questioning and I keep asking if He has changed His mind.
I kept reading and came across the story of Balak and Balaam beginning in Numbers 23. At this time, Israel was wandering through the wilderness as the Lord led them in a very roundabout way to the promised land of Canaan. As they approached cities, the Israelites would send a message to the king of that city, asking if they could pass through the land in peace.
The first king refused and was prepared for battle, so the Israelites went around the city.
The second king refused and then pursued the Israelites. The Lord was with His people, protecting them, and they completely obliterated and took over the city.
When it was time for Israel to move on, they approached Moab, whose king was Balak. Balak had seen how Israel had destroyed and overtook the previous city and was afraid. He called on Balaam to hire him to curse the Israelites so he and his city may live.
At this time, Balaam called on the Lord, the God of the Israelites, but God told him not to go with the king's messengers and not to curse Israel, for they had been blessed.
The king was not satisfied with his answer so he sent more messengers and offered Balaam a higher sum of money to curse the Israelites. Rather than accepting what the Lord already said, Balaam sought the Lord again. This time, the Lord told Balaam to go with the king’s messengers, but to say ONLY what the Lord would tell him to say.
It appears that God changed His mind, but as soon as Balaam went with the messengers, the Lord’s anger burned against Him and the Lord even sent His angel to stop him in the middle of the road. If it weren't for Balaam's donkey, who shied away from the angel of the Lord,
the Lord would have killed Balaam for his disobedience to the Lord's initial command!
At this time, I was fully certain that the Lord would answer me if I keep asking Him for a job,
but as soon as He gives me the job, the course of my life would change and God’s initial plan would have been disrupted.
I have decided to stop asking and learn to trust the Lord as it gets more and more difficult to do so. I know the Lord has a plan and I know the Lord will continue to lead me. In the meantime, I will stick to my initial conviction and read His Word!
"I have decided to follow Jesus
Though none go with me, still I will follow.
No turning back. No turning back."
***I am officially 21.7% funded and only $134.90 short of meeting my first financial deadline! In addition, I already have most of my supplies; only a few more items are needed! God is good 🙂
