This week very well might have been the best week I have had during the entire World Race. Hope has risen up in my spirit this past week. My team, along with the entire New Song staff, prayed for me last week at the staff worship and prayer meeting. The cloudy hopelessness and discouragement immediately began to lift and only increased in clarity and hope as the week progressed. I am refreshed for the first time in weeks and encouraged that the Lord is in control, that He has chosen me and that He will have His way.
It was also very refreshing to have Dura, one of our Squad Leaders, spend the week with our team. She is a mighty woman of God who brings the Lord with her wherever she goes. She speaks out so much truth and, just by her being near, I am encouraged to rise up and become better than this, to know the Lord more deeply and walk with Him more closely. Adventures in Missions does such a great job at finding people who love well, live well and lead us straight to Jesus. I see Jesus in each of my Squad Leaders. I look at them and am reminded of why I am doing this; I want to look like them at the end of this journey. I want to look like me, but the me Jesus made me to be. Our Squad Leaders look like them, but the them Jesus made them to be and it is beautiful.
Several weeks ago, God put it on my heart that as a team we should pray for each other by praying for one person at a time and asking the Lord for anything He would like to share with us to share with that person such as words of encouragement or pictures or anything He wants us to call out in that person to build them up and confirm their identity in Him or whatever He wants to say. We began this exercise and then over 2 weeks went by without a mention of finishing and it really bothered me. I felt rejected that my team did not value something that was important to me and especially something I felt the Lord had put on my heart. The celebration is that the team decided to finish even though they were hesitant and unsure God would speak to them on demand like that. Through the attempt, they have discovered that God really is speaking to them and through them. They are enjoying this practice so much that they have decided to continue this indefinitely so we can continually build each other up and call each other forth into greatness! Initially, the team decided to honor me because this was important to me, which served its purpose in making me feel loved, but through the process, it became important to them too which makes me hopeful that I have some good to bring to the team, that God might actually use me too.
One of the most exciting things is how God is working in my family. He is working in huge ways. He led my mom to meet a need of mine and bless me by covering my debt, which is HUGE! I have never before been in debt and my parents have never wanted to give me the easy way out from fear I would not learn to do better, but this turned out to be a blessing far greater than they can know. (This occurred during debrief.) This past week, I received an e-mail from my dad. He told me the morning my mom told me she would cover my debt, he had been asking the Lord for a way to bless me financially and was surprised his prayer would be answered so quickly. How cool is God?! I am not sure I have ever felt more loved than I feel from this situation. I am so blessed by what the Lord is doing and excited to discover what is next.
And, I guess I will admit this to the world…. I discovered I kind of like my team. We are getting to know each other better, beginning to become a bit more open with each other and learning to love each other better. Rather than crashing and burning this month, we are growing and thriving. We are facing challenges as they come and learning to work through them. We are learning to work together and fight for each other. We prayed as a team with Praying Rosa the other afternoon and God gave her a vision for our team. When she closed her eyes and began praying, she saw a bright light that was the Holy Spirit over each person on our team. She saw God going before us and guiding us, remaining with each of us every step of the way. When she spoke this out, I sensed it was from the Lord and was so encouraged for our team and the direction we are headed! We have plenty of room for growth and certainly have not figured it all out, but if the Lord is for us, who can be against us?!
This week has been such an encouragement to me. Early in the week, I was asked by someone what I have to offer the team. I responded with 'nothing' because I was convinced I had nothing to give. Then he challenged me to 'serve my heart out' regardless of any kind of response or lack of. This scared me to the core because I realized for me to serve was for me to be me and if my serving was rejected, I was rejected. It's not about the attention to the service, however that looks, it is about knowing it is ok to be me and that required me to put myself in a position of vulnerability I did NOT want to be in. However, I gave it a go. I gave what was in my heart to give, which is often my words, and I served in ways my heart could serve, by helping my teammates cook and wash dishes and things like that. The thing was, it was often unnoticed or disregarded, yet somehow it was ok. God held my heart and affirmed things He has put in me to pour out. Those things may be a little messy to begin with, but the Lord gave me a hope and assurance that He will work these things out to become beautiful reflections of Him.
The most difficult part of my week has been problems at home. Don't worry, my family is fine! Like I mentioned above, God is working in my family in huge ways and blessing them heaps. By 'home' I mean circumstances back in the United States. These have been incredibly hurtful and distracting. The circumstances are continually changing, but the theme is the same and I now know without a doubt that they are all because satan is trying to take my focus from the here and now, which is exactly where God has called me to be, and give me reason to worry about things that are far out of my control. However, God is still stronger and I can clearly see He is in control and is having His way. The Lord is so, so good. He has reminded me He has called me to follow Him onto the World Race. He has reminded me that I belong to Him and that He loves me. He has given me hope that He has called me and will use me and He has given me an excitement for what is ahead.
