I will never know how much it really cost for Jesus to bear the weight of my sin. This fragile heart of mine would never withstand an ounce of the wrath of God; it would burst in vain with the smallest outpouring.
Jesus’ heart on the other hand, was pure enough to endure it. He laid His life down of His own accord, as God poured out His wrath on Him, just to pick it back up again once God’s wrath had been satisfied.
Jesus paid the price for my sin so that I will never have to. My heart will never have to know the wrath of God. Thank God because it could never withstand it! While I was still adding to the debt I could not pay by failing to love, Jesus came and wiped my record clean. And He is still wiping my record clean each time I run to Him after failing. Oh the grace!
“O Father of my spirit, O King of all my days
Lead me to repentance, by Your amazing grace
O may my sin be bitter, so Christ will be sweet
I trust in Your promise, life eternally, life eternally”
‘God of Victory’ – The Village Church
The longer I am on the race, and really, just the more I go through everyday life, the more the Lord allows me to see the filthiness of my sin. I am reminded daily of how much I fall short. It is continually brought to my attention that I will never measure up. I will never be good enough. I will always say and do things that offend others and there will always be things I fail to say and do and that silence also offends others.
I am rude and short and snap when I am frustrated. I am sarcastic and selfish and do not have a lot of patience. I have bad days. I cannot feel hurt or pain or withdraw without it hurting someone else’s feelings. I cannot voice how I am really struggling or what is really going on in my heart without someone else being right there to agree and condemn me in my shame or to just look at me as though I am the only one on the planet who struggles. This weight is too much to bear and my heart is so heavy.
Do you ever feel that way? Do you ever feel like it’s not okay to not be okay? Do you ever feel like you are too much? That you have messed up too much? That no matter how hard you try to get it right, you just keep failing?
Even my very best efforts to love well and do well are nothing. There is someone who is upset with me on a daily basis and I am tired of trying so hard for nothing. My very best is as good as filthy rags. It is nothing. I am nothing without Jesus. My very best is incomparably weaker and less than God’s worst. God’s worst is still good, but there is nothing good in me.
Isaiah 64:6
All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away.
The Lord is so good. Through the pain and carrying the weight of my sin, the Lord has not judged or condemned me- not once. He has not criticized me or agreed with me saying,
“Yeah, that was big; you really blew it there.”
Or
“Why can’t you just get it right this time? Why do you keep doing the same hurtful things over and over again? Can’t you just be nice and love others?”
No, the Lord has never been cruel. He has never added to my shame. He just sits with me silently allowing me to feel the weight of my sin so that I might come to Him, weary and burdened, that I might find His rest for my soul.
Matthew 11:28-30
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
The Lord’s grace IS enough. When there is no grace from others, or even from ourselves for ourselves, there is always grace enough to be found in the Lord.
If you think you are too far, if you think you’re beyond His grace, you are not. If you think you have messed up too much, you have not. Those are lies from the pit of hell. You are never beyond God’s reach to extend grace and forgiveness and rest for your soul.
None of us have done well enough to earn God’s favor. Of all sinners, I am the worst, and the Lord has shown me grace time and again. If there is grace for me, there is certainly grace for you. Run to the Lord and you will see.
Ephesians 2:8-9
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast.
