It’s funny the things that God will do when you allow him to use you however He wants. When I arrived at training camp I went to check in and was asked shortly after if I can play guitar or sing, which was quickly followed up with “Have you ever lead worship before?” I really wanted to say no, I mean really, it was only for a short period of time anyway. Besides, I can’t play guitar and well I mean yea I guess I can sing, but I’d rather not in front of so many people….but I knew that I couldn’t lie. So I just smiled and said “Well yea, for a short time.” The response that I got was “Awesome! Your name goes here! (pointing to sheet of paper that said worship)” The first thing that went through my mind was…”yea, awesome…” and I went along with getting back to set up camp.
I knew throughout the week that I wrote my name down for something and surely I was going to be asked to do something at some point in time. Secretly though, I was hoping that enough people had signed up that I wouldn’t have to get up in front of everyone.
About halfway through the week the announcement came that if you had signed up or if you were interested there would be a short meeting and the group would be leading worship that night. I contemplated just heading back to my tent instead of to the meeting. That would be the easy thing to do. God continued to tug at my heart though and I knew that I had to at least attend the meeting. So I went and met a group of the July racers (one other June racer came up to sit in as well =D ) and we begin discussing the logistics…how to plan for the night, who really wanted and felt that they were supposed to be a part of it and then who would be playing and singing. Despite us having a good number of people initially come to the meeting, God just kept telling me that I was supposed to stay and sing…to get out of my comfort zone and serve him. So I stayed…we talked, prayed, chose songs, ran through them, and decided on a tentative line up but that ultimately, we wanted the Holy Spirit to show up and run the night.
God continued to remind me that this was between me and Him. This was about me, worshipping him, and just because I would be standing somewhere different and other people could hear me…it wasn’t about that.
So that night before worship began those of us leading worship got together and prayed and then one of the guys said that we should start with a song called Healer. We didn’t question this; we simply said ok and took our seats. Then the night began and some of the World Race staff got up and informed us that a fellow racer currently on the field was ill and needed immediate intervention, and immediately some 200 people began crying out to God on her behalf. (just a heads up, she was doing much better the next morning! Praise God!) As I began crying out to God, I began crying, and I continued to cry as we were told to go on up and begin.
Maybe I should throw in here that I absolutely hate crying in front of people. I don’t care who it is or why I’m crying, I just hate crying in front of anyone. So really, why wouldn’t God take me even further out of my comfort zone to show me it’s not about me?? He simply reminded me that it’s all about me worshipping him, and continued to remind me of this as halfway through singing Healer I had tears streaming down my face. We had a great night of worshipping, the Holy Spirit showed up and lead, and being so far out of my comfort zone didn’t phase me once I handed over my insecurities.
Have courage and speak boldly, for God has given us all sorts of gifts to use to spread His word and worship Him. It’s not about who’s watching, it’s not about the building that you’re in or if you’re insecure…it’s about having a relationship with God and letting Him use you to further his kingdom.
I hope that one of these days I will accept that His plan is always better and just stop being to stubborn about everything!
