"Our Longing for Home"
from Prodigal God by Timothy Keller
"Home, then, is a powerful but elusive concept. The strong feelings that surround it reveal some deep longing within us for a place that absolutely fits and suits us, where we can be, or perhaps find, our true selves. Yet it seems that no real place or actual family ever satisfies these yearnings, though many situations arouse them…"
I spent the better part of today house-hunting with a very dear friend. We must have called over the phone numbers on over thirty "For Rent" signs, walked into half a dozen realty offices and looked at one (very sketchy if you ask me) apartment. As far as hunting goes, we did our best.
It got me thinking about my own homelessness, how visceral it is. I told my teammate Chrissy that I loved hearing about the places people call home–in fact, I questioned her about her island for a LONG time–but that it was strange for me. I don't really understand what home is, although I've always ached for it. If you've ever had a conversation with me about this topic, you've probably heard me say that home is a more sacred word than love for an Army brat, and I hold that this is still true.
C.S. Lewis says that "Our life-long nostalgia, our longing to be reunited with something in the universe from which we feel cut off, to be on the inside of some door which we have always seen from the outside, is no mere neurotic fancy, but the truest index of our real situation." I think that this is at the core of why I decided to go on Race. I wanted to know what it meant–want to know what it means, rather–to come home.
Maybe in the next year I'll be able to write a blog saying that I got off the plane (or boat or rickshaw) and just… well, that I just knew that I'd finally shown up where I was supposed to be. Or maybe something will click into place with a ministry that makes sense. Or maybe while I'm away I'll look back to the U.S. and see somewhere that has always been home, but that I've never really noticed before. Maybe when I come back, there will be a someone who shows up and just fits. Maybe.
In any case, I think this will be an ongoing conversation between the LORD and me. It's starting to seem like that's all this week is going to be about: the beginning of the beginnings.
