Here's the thing about my home church: God speaks to me there. Loudly. So loudly, in fact, today I only kind-of heard the sermon because of the conversation He and I were having in my head. (Sorry, Pastor Andy…)
If you want to know, the conversation went something like this:
Me: Hi LORD.
GOD: Hey little one. How are you?
Me: Hanging in there, I guess. I'm sorry I've been kind of AWOL this week. Things have been crazy.
GOD: Yeah, kinda gathered that from your prayer time. Sounds like you're stressed.
Me: Well, yeah. It's just that I've been trying to get [INSERT THE FOUR THOUSAND ITEMS ON MY TO-DO LIST HERE] done and then I'm struggling with [INSERT THE MAJOR HEART BATTLES GOING ON HERE]. Honestly, I'm exhausted. I'm not sleeping really well. I don't know what to do. I'm not really feeling very close to you.
GOD: It's kind of hard to feel close to someone when you keep ignoring them.
Me: Ouch.
GOD: Yeah, that's how I feel too.
Me: I guess I didn't really think you'd notice.
GOD: Really? After all this time? You thought I wouldn't care that your heart is hurting, that your schedule is packed, that you feel overwhelmed? You thought I wouldn't notcie? Really?
And then He proceeded to run a flashback of the last four years of my life before my eyes, in which I very clearly saw Him show up time and again. To be really honest, I was more than a little ashamed of myself. He has shown up time and time again to show me how loved I am. He's probably right. If I spent MORE of my time with Him it probably wouldn't be so difficult to remember that He loves me.
So here's what I'm going to do about it. I'm setting myself up for a better week. For the next seven days, if NOTHING else happens in my day, I'm going to make sure to do three things:
1. Spend at least one hour with God in the Word, in prayer and in praise. Because I NEED THIS. I NEED HIM in my everyday.
2. Blog. Because I want accountability and the best way to get it is to go public.
3. Bike. Because I should get my tail outside and experience His creation. I feel better when I exercise anyway. I get more rest when I sleep. I feel more productive. There really are no downsides to this.
If I can combine all three, so much the better. Anyway, please be praying for me as I begin this week. I don't want to ignore Him anymore. I want to walk in community and in covenant with Him. I'm excited to see what He will do as I commit to giving Him my time.
My schedule's open, LORD. This whole week is Yours. Do what You will.
