More Than Anything

What is next? Famous question I have been asked at least twice a day since returning to the states. My common answer results with a quick I don’t know and then a long explanation of what I do know. Some choose to cut me off after I take the first breath and stop rambling on with random thoughts. Others have been intrigued and sit and listen with patience. I am not one to process well. I internalize EVERYTHING and have a hard time getting out words, but with the help of some incredibly patient people I have been able to get to a place I haven’t really been before. I have began to deal with things that I didn’t realize where there and so a journey has begun.

The sun began to peak over the top of the roof, the roosters where crowing, and the children laughing. It was another bright and beautiful day in Haiti. I awoke knowing God had called me to fast but I didn’t know exactly what it looked like. I quickly realized that I needed to be silent. SILENT! I laughed quietly to myself as I crawled out of my tent. This marked the day that we began our massive project for the month…perfect time for the leader to be silent, but I knew He was in control and I needed to just be obedient and not worry about how the day would go.  Trusting I did just what He asked. I took a day of complete silence. It was hard, frustrating, challenging, amazing, incredibly helpful, and so much more.

 That day He spoke to me very clearly. “MORE THAN ANYTHING Heather, I want you more than anything and I want you to want me more than anything!” I began to process through that. What did He mean? I was in Haiti. Of course I wanted Him more than anything. I couldn’t possibly be living for myself. I was leading; pouring out everything he had given me. Ha! Oh I was so wrong. As I processed through it I realized so many things and through further processing with a friend I realized there where/are so many things I desire and cry out for more than Him. Just to mention a few: Clarity, direction, friends, family, future, love, answers… There are so many things I have spent countless time crying out for. He wasn’t asking me to stop crying out for these things but to realize that if I desire Him over all of these things, these things I cried out for will come. He wanted me to stop putting Him at the end of this list.

So through this process my answer to the famous question becomes simple. I don’t know what I am doing/where I am going next. What I do know is I am seeking more of Him and when He is ready for me to embrace the next step of this journey I will leap. He is lying out the path I am just walking it.  Excited for where He is taking me and enjoying this time as I sit with him in this waiting period.