7, Day 4 in Moldova.
I’m sitting in the
room with Nicole. She’s typing a blog on
her computer and I like having her in the room. It’s 12:45pm, we just finished lunch. It’s only 5:45am at home, no one is even up. We’re on an internet fast but I’m having a
hard time accepting it. I feel a fast is
something we should feel called to do, not something we’re told to do. I’m constantly told it’s a choice, but don’t
really feel that it is a choice. It’s
day 4 in Moldova and while I’ve seen God present I’ve also been dealing with
questioning why I decided to do this. Looking back on Ireland is a blessing because month 1 seems so much
easier than the 4 days we’ve been here. It’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one who feels this way on
my team, but I’m tired of this feeling. I can’t imagine how I’m going to handle Africa and Asia if I’m already
struggling with Moldova. If this is God
breaking me then fine but I’d like to be done with it. I don’t feel like I’m here, I miss the
comforts of home, and I just want to be content. Tres has said I can use the internet from 3-5
but I don’t know if I should. I’ll could
send some e-mails to my family with birthdays this month and maybe call my mom,
although with the time difference it might be difficult, but I don’t think that
will really make me feel better. I think
I’m in a good place but I don’t really like where I am. I’m tired of crying, I’m tired of feeling
empty, and I’m tired of feeling irritate and alone. I may not have liked life at home all the
time but at the moment it seems so much easier than where I am. My team is getting closer and we’re beginning
to get to learn about each other. I feel
like this will be 6 lasting friendships but it’s still hard to deal with the
fact that it hasn’t been natural. I miss
all the youth that have been a part of my life over the last year, they have
taught me so much, and some of them have become like little brother’s and
sister’s who I miss dearly. I
desperately miss my Chrysalis family, you all have made me a better woman of
Christ and for that I thank you. I’m so
thankful to have people like you who are willing to support me during this
journey that I’m on!
