Vacation.
That’s what most people have been calling this trip to me. A vacation, an adventure, and incredible time. I have never been to any of the countries listed on my route, and yet I know full well it isn’t a vacation.
I’ve been to Haiti 3 times. One summer, we went for two weeks and worked in the schools. It had become my home. I had grown attached to my students, my translators, my community, my friends. I was living on the minimum. Hot days, hot nights, dehydration, dirty clothes worn again, but I was living with full purpose. All thoughts of “beauty” and “cleanliness” were flipped. Beauty didn’t mean a full face of makeup and clear skin. It meant glowing from the inside out of kindness, understanding, and love. My hair didn’t need to be blow dried, I thought to myself as I was holding sick babies in the clinic. None of the first world stuff mattered to me anymore. Humanity overtook me, the true, raw meaning of being a human. Not being perfect is somehow… perfect.
I remember when I came home from that trip like it was yesterday. I didn’t get out of bed for 3 days, and when I did it was only to use the bathroom, maybe drink some water, and sleep again. The culture shock was crippling. I had come from a country with barely any clean water, starving children, dusty roads with dead animals in the streets, breaking down trucks, filled orphanages, sick babies, hungry mothers, unbearable heat… to a country that complains about traffic and waiting in line at the DMV. I couldn’t take it. It took me weeks to fall back into the swing of things, to feel comfortable in my life again. Where was God? How was he letting these people suffer while we sit in our air conditioned $100k cars? I was angry and hurt for weeks. It was hard to let it go and it was hard to keep faith.
And that was simply after going for two weeks. So, to say I will be working in ministry in the poorest parts of each country doesn’t exactly “excite” me. It definitely will not be a “vacation” living out of a backpack, spending time with endagered people groups, orphans, refugees, sexual abuse victims, with barely keeping up with basic hygiene, purifying my own water (which bacteria will still sneak through and make you sick), sleeping in all kinds of weather conditions, eating very little, etc… It isn’t a vacation. It’s God’s tough work that I am grateful to carry out for Him because I know I am called and I think I am strong enough. I am fully aware that I will break down frequently. It won’t be easy… in fact it will probably be tougher than I realize. But I go into it with a humble heart, ready to be changed.
I am so beyond grateful for all of the support I have been receiving. It is so refreshing to find people who fully understand what I am being called to do. Everyone that has donated or contacted me has meant so much to me. I am also grateful for my fellow squad members as well. They are smart, kind, God-loving, and understand the true meaning of this trip. They are my tribe. I’m grateful I will have them to lean on when things get really tough and I start to feel homesick. But we all have that one thing in common. That one thing that makes us brave enough to abandon everything we know – our homes, families/friends, normal social things such as dating or going out… all of it will be gone. We are giving up our comfort for the work of God… and we all have that one thing in common- we were called.
I’m terrified of what’s to come, but it’s life. I’m reading this book called “Mountains Beyond Mountains” by Tracy Kidder. It’s about a doctor who does work all around the world, but this book is mainly focused in Haiti. “Deye mon gen mon” which is creole for “beyond mountains, there are mountains.” I have been thinking of this quote a lot lately… and I think because it so accurately describes my journey to this point and to the journies to come. The obstacles in life are never ending, there are mountains beyond mountains, but I know that the view at the top is good, and God is there and eventually… He finds us all.
