“…If you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared- most of all- to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself… then truth will not be withheld from you.” – Elizabeth Gilbert
It’s the halfway point of the World Race, and I’ve always considered myself an open book, but let me flip this book wide open.
I signed up for the World Race for many reasons, but the main reason is I was looking for a big adventurous search for my purpose. 11 different countries in 11 months? Sign me up. I’ll become a super cool traveling chick that loves and serves the Good Lord. It seemed as though I could jump out of one story book and land in another one, a total dolphin dive. I wasn’t so naive to think that my life wouldn’t follow me along this journey (it definitely has), but sometimes it’s hard to believe I’m actually doing the thing. Not only that, I am halfway through.
I flipped open my journal to the day I arrived to Launch in October. The girl I see in the pages there was so scared, terrified really, to leave everything. At the time I couldn’t believe I was throwing everything stable, familiar, and comfortable to the wind. I read on, and all through month one I longed so desperately for home. As I reached the present time in my journal, what I saw was a completely different woman. Even my handwriting was different. I think I saw my breaking point in Cambodia, when the Lord “re-broke my bones” and revealed to me I was living in a false self because of past mistakes. I realized some tough realities and ugly truths about myself (I wrote a blog on it, go read it!!) I had to let go of that scared and broken girl so I could serve from an honest place, and ended up stepping into something new and unfamiliar. I grieved for my past self, and took a second to reflect on what God taught me, and turned my eyes North. Onward.
We attended a women’s conference this month in Durban, South Africa. One of our leaders, Lauren, did a speech on women’s strength. I will never forget what she said. She talked about how badly she wanted a husband, kids, a cute apartment, a wonderful job, but God was calling her to take the lead on so many projects. It boiled down to what she wanted, and what was her God given purpose. She ended up “trading something good, for something eternal.”
Let me say that again. Trading something good for something eternal.
I have a wonderful family. A comfortable life. I had a big comfortable queen size bed, AC and heat, and I could make coffee anytime I wanted. My friends. My dog. My life.
And this month I wake up in a tent on a hill and go to sleep with dirty feet and matted hair. I share food with my teammates, and sometimes we run out and live off of PB&Js until someone can get to the grocery store. There are days I’m so tired I can’t see straight. I am never alone, so the introvert in me wants to rip my hair out some days. I do the “sniff test” with my clothes. Hot showers and washing machines are rare gems. I dream of the day I can take a hot shower with actual water pressure.
Here’s the thing though… I am learning. every. single. day. I’m learning what it truly means to serve God, to know Him, to grow with Him, to connect with Him. I’m learning how to love different people. I’m seeing God’s people in different cultures, countries, religions, and finding that we are not so different after all. I’m learning how to live in community. I’m learning how to view difficult situations and people with different perspectives, and how important those perspectives are. I’m learning that I’m braver, smarter, and more gifted than I initially thought. And I owe that to the Lord and the people around me.
Matthew 16:25 “For whosoever would save his life shall lose it: and whosoever shall lose his life for my sake shall find it.”
Something good, for something eternal.
To everyone reading this blog: if there’s something you’ve been dying to try, do it. Maybe learning an instrument or taking a painting class or taking that trip to Europe or going back to school to get that degree… do it. Fear is pretty much useless. Something so beautiful emerges after you take that step, make that decision, sign up for that class. You are one step closer to your identity. The identity you have in the Lord. The person He so desperately needs you to become, simply because you have so much to give if you would only allow yourself to open those gates. And once those gates open, God, love, and light rushes in after all the darkness gets out. The truth will be revealed. Maybe not all at once, but it will. I promise you.
The World Race is a very cool opportunity, but it is not the end-all be-all. At the end of my life, this will only be one tiny piece of my time here. But what I have learned, what I will learn, the skills I will master, the relationship I will cultivate with the Lord… I will carry that with me for the rest of my life. The people I have met, and will meet, will have a very special place in my heart forever. And frankly, that is the best part of the “big adventurous search for purpose”- the people you come to care deeply for along the way, no matter where you are.
** I am still fundraising! Did you know $4 gets me a days worth of food on the race? Any amount helps!!! Thank you!! **
