Love
Something the world has distorted.
God’s love.
Something so perfect no matter how long I search I will never be able to comprehend it.
As mere mortals we all crave love. Unfortunately society has changed our idea of what love is. Love is just a feeling. Love is just sex. Love is this, love is that. They never talk about how love is a choice. That love is hard. That in love you need your head and your heart.
Society has screwed me over.
Before I came on the race I was a love seeker. I didn’t know what love was but whatever made me happy was close enough right?
I have felt such a void in my life.
I don’t know what love is and I don’t know how to receive love.
Early on in the race I took a quiz to find out my love languages. I thought if I knew the different ways to receive love then I would finally feel loved.
When I was in Serbia I broke. I didn’t feel loved. Yes my team would love on me but it wasn’t enough. I thought what I needed was relationship love. No I didn’t get into a relationship but I just stopped the search of love. I settled with the thought that I just won’t feel fully loved until I am in a relationship again.
Then this month happened. Cambodia.
The void in my chest was overwhelming. I struggled with depression. I struggled with my thought life. I struggled with trying to talk to any guy. I struggled because I needed love.
BUT
Not any type of love from this world could fix me. Only perfect love. Love from the creator of my heart. Who better to love me than He.
However, God is a gentleman. He won’t force His love on anyone. You have to ask for it.
So I started praying.
For an overwhelming comprehension of the infinite love of God because I want it all. I know it isn’t possible but I want whatever He is willing to give me.
I invited my team into this prayer as well, being vulnerable with everything that I had been struggling with. Community is amazing for that reason.
Unless I seek God’s overwhelming love daily I will have a void and you bet your bottom dollar the devil is going to try and convince me that I need the love the world offers.
So it’s time to hit Control-Alt-Delete on my understanding of love.
I want God’s love.
His definition of love.
Perfect love.
And that’s all folks.
