I sit here full of nervousness and excitement. I’m doing all I can on my part. I’m still short of my goal but I can’t give up. It’s not in my DNA to give up just because I don’t see it.
I was driving home yesterday and playing the song “Thy Will Be Done” by Hillary Scott and I cried. I cried, not out of defeat or disappointment, because I was reminded that more than anything, I want His will in my life. I have made the most lavish of plans and saw them not fulfill what I thought they would. I’ve had my own ideas of how I wanted things to play out, and even when they did, I was never satisfied.
All I know is that this isn’t one of those times. This isn’t a “Harmony Plan”. My plan would have been to save up first and then go. My plan would involve not having to humble myself to ask family and strangers alike to support me. My plan would look like hand picking my route based off of what I want to see and experience rather than what He is calling me to.
This year is going to be full of un comfortability. Tons of sweating. There will be times when all I want to do is find a hole and hide. There will be times when I want to wander off but need to stick with my team. There are going to be tons of unpredictable moments, but it’s in these times that He gets the glory. It’s in the moments when I’m tired of sweating that He will remind me that planting seed will always produce sweat. It’s in the moments that I want to hide that He’ll remind me that He created us for intimate community. It’s in the moments when I’m so uncomfortable and have no words to say that He will break in with all power.
So all I can say at this point is thy will be done. I know that I’m supposed to be with my team, my squad. I don’t want to go on this journey with anyone else. I don’t want to find another Matti that moshes during worship, because there isn’t one. I don’t want to find another Heather that will massage the knots out of my legs and soak in essential oils with me. I don’t want to find another Rounine that would wake up super early to encourage me for another 3 miles! I don’t want to find another Jed that I butt heads with but in the most awesome way possible. I don’t want to find another Parm (Regina) that is going to stay up and listen to me ramble about having an in depth analysis of Ecclesiastes. There isn’t another Elle or Paige or Christian or Megan. There isn’t another Jules or Kori. Def not another Jeremy!
So Lord, all I can say is thy will be done.
