I remember when the missionary in October told me about World Race and how easily I dismissed it. I remember following a few blogs of people who were already on the field and seeing their stories. I still have one book marked on my phone of how he was finally fully funded. I remember giving $20 to a girl that I had just met, not knowing that she too was about to run this race. And now I’m here.
I always thought this season was years away. I thought that I would just be comfortable enough going. I had it all planned out. I was going to be stable and be able to raise a majority of my own funds from just working, so I wouldn’t have to bother people. I wanted that feeling of “I did this”. I can’t say I didn’t care, but I was scared. I was scared to let God show me that He’s got me because my entire life has been conditioned around: “do the right thing, work hard, pay for your own stuff, step by step, etc.”
So now that I’m in this season currently, not even a full year after initially hearing about World Race, what have I learned?
1) I’ve learned that the call to abandonment extends beyond abandoning your “old” self. Yes, abandon sin, run far and fast from it, but what about the comforts? What about what society has pressured you to do. Getting a great job and all is commendable, don’t get me wrong, but what do you do when FOR YEARS He has called you to leave. To abandon. You have to go.
2) I’ve heard a lot of people say that I must be brave to do this, and in a sense I am. Trusting that God is going to provide $17,000 for this journey through the hands of friends, family, and strangers. However; I don’t feel so brave. I feel at peace for sure, but I myself am uncomfortable. Being raised by a single mother, it’s like you live most of your life in survival mode. I was raised to work your tail off so you can say that YOU did this…and that. It was extremely hard at first, getting acclimated to the fact that I was going to have to take an even bigger step of faith, and leave my pride behind. Not just for this journey, but for life.
3) Knowing that His timing is not my own. One thing I’ve learned about being on this journey is that I can’t make anything happen in my own time. As the days are winding down til that first goal has to be met, I’ve found myself getting somewhat discouraged, and I hated that. I hated that when it came to crunch time, my faith started to waver. As my squad mates are reaching fully funded status, it’s easy to look and get discouraged, but 1) they are amazing and won’t let you. 2) I’ve learned to truly rejoice with others when it happens for them, because I want them to rejoice with me when it happens (thanks pastor for that lesson). So instead of giving up and pulling out, I put myself in situations where if He didn’t show up, nothing would happen. Not to prove to myself that He exists, I know that by faith. But to encourage my spirit man that He is the God that answers; don’t be anxious. And did He do it! From the prayer I lead through the night on Saturday to just loving on people and watching the love of God flood the streets on Sunday, He showed me that He is faithful.
4) I think the one thing that I had to come to terms with as I begin this journey is that I’m not all put together. No matter how much people prophesy and how many people tell me how “awesome” and “powerful” I am, I need to remain broken. I need to remain humble and not use the grace card to get out of situations that I put myself in. From watching dumb vine videos to just thinking the wrong things, He showed me that in and of myself, I can’t do anything. Nada. But when I submit to His will in my life, regardless of how uncomfortable it is, that’s when the awesome things happen. That’s when He receives the glory.
5) Last but not least, I have seen the need for something to be done. An actual action that I had done once before in hopes that it would cause my family to look at me different and convince me that I was saved, but this time it’s going to be for real. I need to get baptized. I know, how crazy is it that I have seen awesome things and experienced the goodness and faithfulness of the Lord, yet never really was baptized? I was once when I was 15, I barely remember it, other than the water was cold and I ran across the parking lot with a towel on to change. I don’t remember even feeling anything, and I know it’s not about a feeling, but I knew in my heart that I wasn’t into it for the right reason. So sometime soon, I’m getting baptized. I don’t care who is there or not, I just want the Holy Spirit. And on top of that, I want my Dad, King Jesus, to know that I am 100%, completely, sold out just for Him.
So my request today is for prayer. Praying that I would continue to allow Him to condition me for the race of a lifetime and not to buck at what He wants to do with me. That if it’s washing feet, I’ll wash them for His glory. If it’s just holding an old woman’s hand and just smiling, that I’ll do it for His glory. Also could you please pray about donating to my trip. $2 or $25 helps more than you know. Even spare change. I may be the one going, but I literally cannot do it without two very important others, Him and you all. All donations are tax deductible. Thank you in advance for your gifts.
With much love and thanks,
Harmony
