In honor of my parents coming to Ecuador in two weeks and me being really excited to give them both gigantic hugs, here’s something my mom wrote for me a few months back that I haven’t gotten a chance to share yet ♥?
I was reminded this week as to the moment God pressed into my heart that he loves my children more than I love them. I have never seen myself as a control freak but when it comes to my girls I want to control all things around them that could possibly cause harm! To say the least, I think that sends the message to God that I am bigger than him. By no means do I believe that nor have I ever believed that, but every time I decide I can control things then that’s what I’m saying. My selfishness or should I say self centered-ness needs to be reminded daily and sometimes more often, that God is the one and only one in control of all things!! Back to my original statement. It was 2010 and Alicia & I were headed to Ukraine for the 2nd time on a mission trip. I had this overwhelming sense of fear while we were preparing in the weeks prior to going. I just couldn’t shake it. I prayed and prayed but the fear would return. I would say all the right things but it wasn’t until God started whispering over and over that I was saying the right thing but I really didn’t believe it. Then the arguing of me saying of course I believe it. Then I decided being honest is always the best policy and I finally admitted that I HAD to be in control of our safety because let’s be honest, God you messed up with my first child when you allowed him to die. Wow! Now I said it! I finally showed my mean girl! That’s mean and nasty and just un true! God always has my best interest at the core of everything and I truly believe that but this one area was off limits. When I said the words then I could actually deal with them. Mind you I had buried my son in 1997. I had been holding that lie deep for a long time. It felt good to say it and get it out and deal with it. It was at that moment that God reminded me that he loves me more than anyone else in my life and that means he loves my children more than I love them! Now, let that sink in down deep! Since that time my girls have ventured many places with and without me. Do I worry, sure but I constantly remind myself “God loves them more than I do” To my girls, love the life God has blessed you with and always remember how much I love you and then read the quotations again!! I wrote this a couple weeks ago riding down the road (don’t worry, Kevin was driving) thinking about life and thought this is the beginning of my Blogs! Kind of like the ones Harleigh is writing. Not thinking about her asking me if I would take over her blog post and share my heart. I’ve been wrestling with what to share and then I remembered the words I had poured out recently. My mantra to Harleigh the days before she left on this tremendous journey was and still is “God loves you more than I do and these 9 months are a small blip on our screen of eternity!” I love you to the moon and back Baby girl!!
