God has been doing a beautiful (and ugly) refining work inside my heart. While He grows within me a deeper desire for the things of Him, He is searching my heart, convicting me of hidden sin, and pointing out offenses inside of me that I have been blind to. My heart’s cry is for Him to save me from the lie that I’m good enough, which is a lie I’ve had to fight since I was young. In response to my prayers for sanctification and conviction, He has begun burning away the chaff.
It hurts to burn, but when something is refined by fire, the finished product is far more pure and beautiful than it was when it began.
God has shown me that the sin I’m so easily entangled in is Judgement. Judgement itself is not evil. Judgement in the hands of a righteous and loving God is an honorable act of justice, but in the hands of an unworthy sinner, it is anything but beautiful.
Many times I’ve inwardly condemned others for the sin I see in them, when God has already forgiven them.
Many times I’ve looked at the masked sin in my own life and found it incomparable to the unmasked sin of others.
Because the judgement inside my heart is inward and concealed, I trick myself into believing that it isn’t a real struggle—that it’s okay to have those thoughts toward people sometimes.
I’ve even convinced myself that as long as no one sees it come out in my actions and words, everything is fine.
But when God convicted me, He told me that the root of my judgmental heart was Pride.
Pride tells us that we’ve earned our righteousness.
Pride tells us that we deserve God’s grace.
Pride tells us that our favor with God is the result of our own efforts.
Pride tells us that we have a right to judge others.
Ultimately, Pride discredits what Christ accomplished for us on the Cross.
I am convinced that we all struggle with Pride. We saw it first in the disobedience of Adam & Eve, and we have ignorantly and unavoidably followed their poor example ever since. But as was true when the guilty couple hid from their Creator, pride is often too proud to expose itself. That’s why I am writing this blog. I want to expose the mess inside my heart and shed light on what I’ve kept hidden for so long. I want to ask for grace as I learn to extend more and more of that same grace to you. I want to ask for prayer as I discern my role in encouraging you toward Christ while saying “yes and amen” to where you are in your walk with Him. And I want to ask for your forgiveness for all the times that my pride has fooled me into believing that my sin, because it is concealed, is less ugly than yours.
Romans 8 tells us that “there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.” God’s grace goes even further than that. He promises that we are “free from the power of sin.” That we have “no obligation to do what our sinful nature urges us to do” because “by the power of the Spirit we have put to death the deeds of our sinful nature.”
I’m prideful and judgmental, but I, too, am forgiven, redeemed, and being made new. Thank you, God, for remembering that You made me from the dust.
God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned long ago. -Ephesians 2:8-10
