Why Am I Here?
Yes, yes–it is true. I love it here in Eastern Africa. From the lush fields of banana trees to the deep hills in the Rift Valley to the beauty of Mount Kilimanjaro to the power of the Nile River to the foreign (but now familiar) dishes to the friendly and gracious people to the playful children (I love running, hiking, and playing soccer with toddlers and teenagers alike), part of me wants to stay here indefinitely.
But, my rational side quickly steps in (thanks, Aristotle.) I cannot live here. I have too many other dreams. I have grad school. I have my family in the States. I have a family of friends to return to in Nashville.
Part of me wandered back to these friends-turned-family in Nashville on Wednesday after I read an email on how they are changing together as an intentional community. I longed to be with them even though I have found a 2nd home here in Africa. (Sigh.) I miss these individuals, their love, and intentionality. I miss being there to celebrate and cry with them, the campouts and the parties–but more than anything, I miss growing and learning with them.
I came home in a distant mood. I mumbled to my teammates that I needed to run before dinner. I ran hard. I pushed myself. I silently yelled at God "why am I here?" I laughed at my lack of fitness and right before I decided to walk, I spotted four children playing soccer in their front yard. I walked around a hedge and asked if I could play. They smiled and assigned me to be the goalie. My least favorite position. But not with these children. I quickly took my sandals off and began defending the hedge (I mean goal) with my life. After 18 goals and a tired but happy self, I suggested a game of catch with the now deflated soccer ball. I soon found myself running around like a fool before collapsing on the ground with all four children (Joshua, Joann, Jesse, and Susan) nearby. We practiced counting with our fingers and toes and then talking about Daniel and the lion's den.
My question was answered in this hour of joy.
