Keet, my leader, asked the team and I what are some of the lessons we have been learning as of late as we minister in Prague.
To be honest, while I have not been struggling to write as of late (thanks to feeling a tad bit of writer's block), I have been learning from the examples of the few but powerful Christians here in this city of 1.3 million people where less than .25% of this number affiliates themselves with Christianity. We have lived and worked with a few of these individuals and I know that I have been mesmerized by their little number–but more than that–their passion and raw desperation for Christ, community, and outreach.
I want to be like these people and not just when I am in a circumstance or situation where desperation is dictated to me, but when I am once again surrounded by my homegroup family and community at The Village Chapel in Nashville. I want to be desperate for God there as much as I am here, where there is a countless number of churches and cathedrals, but no one inside them (but tourists.) I want to be desperate for God as I return to the States, start up a non-profit, work, potentially pursue a grad degree, write, and love others. It has been years (5 years to be exact) since I was this desperate. I felt a tug in this direction when I lived and served in Africa over the summer, especially in Kenya, but now it feels like a gail-force wind. I cannot deny it. I am no longer my own. I am becoming more and more broken…more and more desperate for God.
Which is both 'good' and 'bad.' It is 'good' because I don't want to be desperate for anyone else, but 'bad' because I am losing myself. But I did ask for this…a year ago at training camp. I want others to see God when they see me. I want them to know that there is more to life than routines, bills, and habits. There is a part of life that is in the grey, the unknown, the uncharted. At least for me–because I didn't used to want to live in the un-planned and uncharted territory that is quickly becoming my life. I wanted to help others whenever and wherever possible, a successful career, lots of friends, someone to love, a comfortable family, and adventures at every turn. I still want this, but I am quickly learning that with this new-found desperation, these previous 'wants' are no longer correspondent to the 'needs' that my eyes have been opened to, now in Prague, last week in Romania, last month in Uganda, and a few months ago in Asia and Australia.
I am grateful that my perspective is changing, that I am becoming desperate for something, Someone more than myself and my limited dreams and aspirations. I do not know what is next, but I do know that my eyes are now open for whatever and wherever that is.
