I have a tendency to be quite competitive at times. I don’t think I am a poor sport, but I tend to get into any sort of competitive activity, be it a game of “Risk,” a tennis match, or a sprint to the basketball court at Matamata’s YWAM base with a definite rigor. This occurred two weeks ago-it was but a little sprint, with bare feet, and it ended with me falling flat on my face and spraining my right foot. Which still hurts with bruising and compressed bones, a local doctor informed me two days ago.
As a certified first aider, you’d think I’d apply the lessons of ICE (ice, compress, and elevate) to myself as much as I give it to others. If I had, I am sure I would not still have a swollen foot that aches whenever I stand or walk around. This has been the bulk of this week’s ministry with the Jubilee and Call2All conferences here in Tarunga. I am not complaining, though–it is my own fault that I did not take care of it right away. It has been a learning lesson, though–that with my avoidance of taking care of it, God has brought three women into my life to ‘mother’ me. Which was not what I wanted whatsoever. I like being able to take care of myself and not relying on others–let alone strangers. Just ask my previous roommate, Renee’. I struggled and even raised my voice (in jest) whenever she would wash my dishes or get me a glass of water from the kitchen.
But in the past few days, I have met Karen Bishop (a Maori whom we met to make a traditional meal for 700 people on Sunday who is from about 3 hours west from Tarunga), Jules (a native who is in charge of the Call2All volunteers), Susan (a native who is a nurse and volunteer at the first aid station), and Jan (a native social worker-turned-volunteer nurse who took me to the walk-in clinic on Thursday and even paid for it.)
All three women have encouraged me, shared stories about their lives, and have assisted me in one way or the other to help my rehabilitate my foot. I have felt more awkward about these women caring for my foot and incidentally, my heart, than anything else in the nearly three weeks I’ve been in this country. There is something deep within me that desires to be cared for, but I’ve hidden this desire due to my desire to be independent, self-sufficient, and alone. This is difficult for me to admit because I tend to seek after friendships and community in the States.
I know that whatever I desire, be it success or love or community, I battle with it. For as much as I need and seek after community, it scares me-so I have unintentionally created a pattern of getting past my fear by running full-throttle toward it, but later backing away by finding a tree to journal under. I have only recently realized that this is because I do not really trust God or others as much as I had previously thought. So, like Genesis who showed me a beautiful faith and the women who mothered me this week, I am going to attempt to be more humble and trusting before my God.
