I Trust My Mind More than My Heart
We attended Christian Fellowship of Siem Reap on Sunday afternoon, along
with a medley of locals, tourists, and fellow missionaries. The sermon
was on David and Goliath and afterwards, I began to chat with a few
women from Texas and Washington state. After telling them a few details
about our team and the Race, they asked to pray for us.
I expected a few minutes of group prayers, but what unfolded bypassed my
preestablished expectations. These four ladies preceded to pray and
talk into each of our lives, with topics ranging from struggles of old
through our dreams and desires for the future.
To be honest, I find relief whenever God ursupts (sp?) my expectations,
yet I still struggle with believing.
I believe in God, His promises, truths, infinite grace, and Sacrifice,
but as I attempt to find my identity in Him, I find myself doubtful of
the prophesies spoken over and into my life.
Afterwards, as a team, we disected my heart’s thoughts on what these
women said, and in all honesty–it occurred to me that as a thinker, I
trust my mind more than I trust my heart.
I know that I do over-analyze and perhaps I process too much, but that
is both normative for me as well as all I know what to do. I do not
think or act based on my feelings very often and I do not even know
where to start.
But in my skepticism and unbelief, I really do know that change is
needed when it comes to how I not just ‘function,’ but live. And not
just as a missionary this year, but for all of my years.
Even though I do not tangiably know how to change in the area of thought
processes, I have begun praying for the needed change…whatever that
means or looks like…
