“Give
Your Agenda to God”
On
Wednesday afternoon, I was able to have a long and wonderful conversation with
my good friend and previous roommate, Renee’. She updated me about her life,
our shared friends, and some of the struggles she has been facing since our
last real conversation–nearly two months ago–wow, time sure does fly by!
I
had to say a quick good-bye in order to go back to the church, make dinner with
Casondra, and help set up for the night’s women’s Bible study, so it was not
until I was nearly asleep that I was able to think about what we discussed.
While I enjoyed every aspect of our conversation, it was the shared personality
traits of planning too far in advance and worrying about the future that stood
out to me the most. Renee’ and I both fight with over- and prematurely planning
as well as worrying about what is next in our individual lives.
To
be honest, this is a daily struggle for me, even as I am a missionary here in Australia. I
tend to internally fight not knowing what is planned tomorrow or next week
while balancing being in the moment today.
Which,
thankfully, God is aware of.
Earlier
today, after praying and worshipping for a few hours with my team, I picked up
my well-worn copy of “The Inner Voice of Love” by Henri Nouwen along
with my water bottle. I stepped outside the church, sat down in a nearby chair
on the cement slab porch, and began to wave the mosquitos and flies away as I
began to read. The first spiritual imperative I turned to was perfect, even
though I picked it randomly. The title is “Give Your Agenda to God”
and I smiled as I began. I could not not write it out and I hope it speaks to
you as much as it did for me.
You
are very concerned with making the right choices about your work. You have so
many options that you are constantly overwhelmed by the question “What
should I do and what should I not do?”
You are asked to respond to many concrete needs. There are people to
visit, people to receive, people to simply be with. There are issues that beg
for attention, books it seems important to read, and works of art to be seen.
But what of all this truly deserves your time?
Start
by not allowing these people and issues to possess you. As long as you think that
you need them to be yourself, you are not really free. Much of their urgency
comes from your own need to be accepted and affirmed. You have to keep going
back to the source: God’s love for you.
In
many ways, you still want to set your own agenda. You act as if you have to
choose among many things, which all seem equally important. But you have not
fully surrendered yourself to God’s guidance. You keep fighting with God over
who is in control.
Try
to give your agenda to God. Keep saying, “Your will be done, not
mine.” Give every part of your heart and your time to God and let God tell
you what to do, where to go, when and how to respond. God does not want you to
destroy yourself. Exhaustion, burnout, and depression are not signs that you
are doing God’s will. God is gentle and loving. God desires to give you a deep
sense of safety in God’s love. Once you have allowed yourself to experience
that love fully, you will be better able to discern who you are being sent to
in God’s name.
It
is not easy to give your agenda to God. But the more you do, the more
“clock time” becomes “God’s time,” and God’s time is always
the fullness of time.
