Since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses,
let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles,
and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our
eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith who for the joy set before
him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of
the throne of God.
Hebrews 12:1-2
It is not as though I am afraid of who I am, but I
find myself hesitant in ‘becoming’ someone else. This is not a new feeling, but
something is different this time around. Perhaps it is because I literally have
no control of what I am a part of or who I am with, but there is a fear that
goes beyond, deeper…
…If I am to be honest, I am afraid of becoming
someone I dislike or even worse-becoming someone unlike the God I follow. This
month’s ministry has been eye-opening in regard to some old and new gifts of
mine, but it has also been eye-opening to my selfish tendencies. I have found
myself more self-centered and selfish in the last month than ever before.
Regardless of all of this, I find myself literally “surrounded
by such a great cloud of witnesses” in my squad and team. Through these 54
individuals as well as our contacts, I find myself more secure in God’s truths than
if I were in Manila alone.
But-ultimately, I am more than well aware that God
is working in and through me as an individual. While my faith has not been tested through
this, my trust has and as I try to reconcile the two, I find myself in prayer
more than usual.
