I relish stepping up to the edge of the mountain, cliff, waterfall, and icecap to venture out and see what bellow. There is something about testing my adventurous spirit and natural boundaries that, years ago, has taken over a part of my life. It has been a subtle take-over, to say the least. It began when I was 10 years of age, on a family reunion in Colorado. My family and I were on an excursion through Mesa Verde, where ancient artifacts and ruins are a common sight.
I vividly remember the sandpaper-colored rocks and the burnt red clay that intermingled to comprise the stark, yet distinctly beautiful mountainscape that once was home to the Anasazi people.
I also vividly remember walking near the edge of a steep bluff without a hint of fear or anxiety (my father, on the other hand, did.) Years later, I am still the one that stretches to see what lies beneath or ahead, even if that means I am not the wisest individual.
I enjoy the feeling of being semi-reckless, although I have reigned it in throughout the years. This is not to say that I do not enjoy cliff jumping or whitewater rafting or skydiving, but I have developed a sense of balance between being “cautious” and “reckless.” I still cliff jump (but I first look to avoid rocks and trees); I still raft (but with a lifejacket); and I’ve enjoyed skydiving (but with professionals.)
So, I have become “cautiously reckless” when it comes to my outdoor adventures, but what about my spiritual life? How can I label where I am at in this area? I like to label and categorize nearly everything and I attribute this to my undergrad sociological studies and professors (Longard, Spring, Stepnick, and Westman.)
As I sit and think about where I am spiritually, I think I have become cautiously reckless in this area, as well. I find myself talking about being a missionary this next year with little or no abandon and yet, I am cautious to not “spill the beans” to my professional colleagues about my spiritual life. I justify to myself that I cannot or should not intermingle my faith with my professional engagements. To a certain extent, I have found this to be needed, but at the end of the day, I am torn.
I am beginning to see that a balance is needed. A balance between obviously all-out for Christ and a conservatism that does not intimidate or disgust those around me. Exactly how I am going to accomplish this, I am not sure. I am not sure how or where God is going to change this in my life. What I do know is that I desire a transformation.
