As I write this, I am sitting in a cafe with a friend job-hunting and trying not to be distracted by the techno-meets-bluegrass music that is playing overhead and the hippies sitting at a nearby table. I am continually fascinated by how coffee and cafes can and do
bring together people of all ages and interests. Even if we are only
connected by our liquids and location, we are still connected–consciously or not.
bring together people of all ages and interests. Even if we are only
connected by our liquids and location, we are still connected–consciously or not.
From the outside, I look calm and collected–my tea (ironically, I do not drink coffee) is nearby and my Nalgene full of water is within my grasp. But the truth is, I am struggling with understanding my personal identity. I tend to connect my identity with what I do vocationally, as well as my interests and activities outside of work. Right now, I am thinking about a decision I made a few days ago and how this affects my self-identity.
On Monday, I decided to give my 2-week notice at my job without having another job lined up. For professional reasons, it was well-needed, but also for personal reasons: I feel more connected to my friends and the general population in Nashville in the past few days than I have since I took this job in January. As i analyze this, I think it is because I have been thoroughly consumed by the stress of my job that I had misplaced my focus on what really matters–which when all is said and done, is God and relationships. Mr. Ernest, the director of the Belmont University library, reminded me of this a few months ago when I took a random visit to his office, but even though the majority of my days is focused on others, I seemingly placed this truth to the side of my life, like when I do laundry and I’ve lost a sock. I don’t throw away the single sock, but I place it to the side in my closet–it is still there, but not in a prominent place to see and to use.
I do not ever want to return to this place–where my focus is skewed and my God, my friends, and my family are not as high on my list of priorities as they rightfully belong. So, along with the highs and lows of raising support and being present in my current life in Nashville, another adventure lies ahead: the job-hunt. I am currently attempting to contact my previous professors at Belmont, previous employers, friends, and all contacts that I know as I search for a “good fit” for me to be able to live and enjoy life pre-race.
If you all would not mind praying for me as I look for a job, I would truly appreciate it! Pray that I keep God as my focus as I search for a job and that His peace will fill my life as I re-focus it on Him.
