It was Day 12 of me being home from the race and Day 12 of my personal quarantine from being out of the country. This was one of my lowest days! I slept in until 11:30, HAH I know I didn’t even realize I was capable of doing this. This was so out of my normal as I was used to waking up at 5 or 6 am nearly every morning on the race. I proceeded to lay in my bed and just think, but I wasn’t pondering the Lord but rather earthly things that I have little to no control over. I looked at my Bible and chose not to read it that morning. I looked at it and basically said “no, not today.” I looked at it and thought, it’s already so late in the day I won’t read my Bible today. This is also out of my normal as I got into the habit and the joy of reading the Bible nearly every day of the race. After breakfast I ended up sitting in my room doing absolutely nothing productive. I was alone, isolated to some degree and not practicing the presence of God. And I was actively choosing that. As I was sitting there, I was thinking: What am I doing? Why am I here? I’m sitting in my parent’s home with no purpose. I don’t have a job, I’m not overseas, I’m not in school. What am I working towards? What am I doing? What is my purpose here? I was so frustrated and honestly quite mad.
My mom, being the sweet lil light that she is busted into the room being the mom that she is. After her asking me questions and receiving no response she said, “were going on a walk.” So I rolled my eyes and got up. We went on a walk for hours and laughed and had so much fun not taking life too seriously. We didn’t even talk about the things I was down about but simply got me out of the victim mindset and rather the this-is-the-day-the-Lord-has-made mindset. The rest of the day was joy from there. That night as my mom and I were talking about Jesus before bed, I remembered what Jesus said in the sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5. I’m not going to write it all here BUT the final verse in this chapter reads, “But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect” (Matthew 5:48). This chapter/sermon is basically a how-to be perfect. As humans we are incapable, BUT it shows how we can get closer to God and better ourselves as disciples. The gist of this section of scripture shows that being “perfect” comes from our faith and our hearts. Not out of our works which is opposite of what the earth says. The earth says you must work to receive your worth. God says Jesus is your worth and you must love me to understand that value.
So as I was sitting here at home, I realized that as I am quarantined at home, that my works don’t get me closer or farther from the Father. That was me resulting back to my old mindset prior to the race. The Lord simply wants my heart and all my works will flow from that. If you are sitting at home, down because you don’t feel like you’re “doing anything,” then pursue the Lord in this time. I chose not to one day and that helped me realize that sometimes in a season we are particularly called to just love God and pursue Him. Now don’t get me wrong, doing good works flows and can be proof of our love for Jesus but God loves you regardless. When we display our righteous deeds, they are nothing but filthy rags. Isaiah 64:6 Jesus was perfect because of His faith, His heart and ya know… being the Son of God. BUT all of His works flowed from that space of love and joy.
I encourage you in this season to pursue the Lord more! “The most important commandment” reads in Luke 10:27, Deuteronomy 6:5 and Leviticus 19:18, “You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind. And love your neighbor as yourself.” It doesn’t say you must volunteer this much and you must make this much money and you must do this this and this. It’s all about love! This a beautiful season to love people more than you have before! Stretch your boundaries of love and what that looks like!!
LOVE GOD AND LOVE YO NEIGHBOR!!
Lil Update:
As you may be wondering, yes, I’m back in the states! Our World Race trip got a route change back to the states and all of us racers are back home. Here’s to a season of simply pursuing the Lord and loving the people around us! Thank you for your love and your support for me in this past season of overseas missions. It has been such a blessing! If you wanna chat, email me! Also any prayer requests, please send them my way! [email protected] Sending a big hug in this season!
Love,
Hannah
Currently in Camas, WA, USA.
