I’m sitting here on the couch in our home in Ecuador, Casablanca. It’s Sunday, and I spent the morning sitting in the kitchen, talking to people as they came in waves and ate their breakfast. I finished my daily bowl of oats before very many people had had their breakfast, so I decided to stay and chat for a few hours with my squad mates coming in. This seems like such a simple, boring morning compared to some of the exciting things I’ve done on the Race, but I think this is what I’ll miss the most.
I’ll miss the conversations with people who have been through the same things, who know my heart, who have seen the world with me, who just want to seek out Jesus in a world so far gone from Him. It will be a lot harder to wake up without my host here in Ecuador, Fabi, screaming “GOOD MORNING!!!” at me every day. I don’t know how I’ll be able to sit through college classes without thinking of my Malawian students. I’ll miss Falidah, who raised her hand for every question; Deus, who could draw beautifully; Gift, who would never stop singing. I’m honestly not sure if having more food options than rice, beans, and apples will be overwhelming. Instead of preparing a sermon to say in a little church in Zambia, I’ll be listening to sermons (entirely in perfect English!). When I go home to my nephews, I’ll think of all the times Noku cried “Auntie! Auntie!” when a chongalala (giant black centipede) crawled over the Zimbabwean ground towards her. The tears I left at the gate of Isaiah’s Umuzi Wothando are filled with more heartache than I can describe. I’ll miss walking down the streets in Nepal, sharing love and kindness with all the street vendors I’d formed relationships with. It’s strange that I’ll never be able to eat Indian street food in Dolly’s office again or hold Bvenkamma as she pretends to sleep in my arms.
I’m not going to lie to you, going home is really scary to me. I’ve just spent nearly a year of my life living overseas with new people and places around every corner. I’m constantly changing. When I go back, am I going to fall back into old habits? Am I going to lose this connection with the Lord that I’ve so dearly held on to as my only constant the past 9 months? What is community going to look like when it will be nearly impossible to find someone who can relate to me now? How in the world am I going to sleep in a room alone when I haven’t done that in nine months? Do I even remember how to drive? I don’t know the answer to any of these questions, but the only thing I can do is trust the Lord to take care of me during this strange time. I know He will be good, gracious, and patient with me just like He’s been so many times before, and I know He will continue to be my only constant even when I’m back home, but it’s difficult to know I’ll never step back into the life I had before.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m more than excited to be home. I can’t wait to hang out with my sisters and to hold my nephews. I’m so excited for Sunday morning drives with my dad and having dinner dates with my mom. The thought of finally getting to share my life from the past year with my aunt and uncle makes me so ready to be with them again. I’ve had to have many conversations with God, and He’s had to soak up many tears from being away from my family. I’m ecstatic to be home! I’m counting down the days actually!
So this is me sharing my heart right now. It’s filled with many contradicting emotions- excitement, sadness, exhaustion, thrill, and confusion. I guess what I’m trying to say is this: Please be patient with me as I return home. I am not the same person as I was a year ago. Neither are you. Shopping at Kroger is something new to me again. Stories of the miracles I’ve seen and poverty I’ve lived alongside will be new to you. It’s going to be a transition that takes time to feel comfortable with, but then again uncomfortability and constant change have been what my life the past year has consisted of. Thank you for your kindness and support. We’ve made it so far together, and we are so close to finishing this Race! Thank you to all who have shown me love throughout this whole journey!
In the words of my beautiful squadmate Sami: “I’m a lil bit depressed, but also thrilled. I’m just a wreck, I guess.”
With much love and blessings,
Hannah Grace
P.S.!
If you really want to know about my life the past year, let’s get coffee sometime! I’m sure you don’t know where to start asking questions, and I sure don’t know where to start in telling you all the things I learned, lived through, and saw. There is absolutely no way for me to sum up everything in a simple “How was your trip?” so I compiled a list of questions (funny and serious) you can ask me to start!
- What ministries were your favorite and why?
- Was it difficult doings missions in closed countries (countries where Christian evangelizing is illegal)? Were you ever nervous?
- Do you miss curry and dal bhat? (The answer will always be yes)
- What does driving look like in Asia? (WILD)
- What was the coolest miracle you saw? (I have a list)
- How in the world do you do landscaping with butcher knives?
- Did you have any pets on the Race?
- How does Christianity in other countries compare to Christianity in the Western World?
- Tell me how much you miss the kids at Isaiah’s Umuzi Wothando.
- Weirdest foreign disease?
- Did you sit next to any cool strangers on planes?
- How many different names did you have on the Race and what did they mean? (Akka, Hena, Kuesi, Nomsa, Auntie, Grace or Hannah, GRACE HANNAH (must yell), Sister, HG)
- What was teaching like?
- Tell me about Malawian mornings.
- Tell about a time the Lord spoke to you in Malawi.
- What is Hungry Season?
- What was your favorite adventure?
- Any funny public transportation stories?
- Tell me how your bag got stolen. (It’s a really really funny story actually)
- How has the Lord taught you about His goodness and reliability in Ecuador?
- What was it like having your mom and dad parent you again for five days? (Believe it or not, I had missed it)
- And if you want, you can ask for someone to pray for. I’ve met many many people who could use it.
