I can usually tell when a season of my life is ending and moving into the next. Without fail, I will get overly nostalgic about the process of leaving a good thing to step into a better thing. I’ve done this enough times to be aware that it’s never easy, but completely worth it to look back and remember what God promised me and see the fruit of trusting Him enough to blindly walk with Him and say “I know what You have is good, even if I can’t see it yet.”
This is exactly what has happened in the past month of ending my time of living at home and starting the process of deciding to go back out on the mission field with World Race. There’s been endless prayers about how thankful I have been to have a year to spend with my family, work, and continue to grow in who God has created me. All the while, learning to become confident in the words, “No, I’m not going to college.” That’s been fun…
When I was on gap year 2 years ago with World Race, God shared something very special with me. In India, I had been living with significant worry of what it would look like to leave the life on the mission field that I learned to deeply love and come back to America. My team and I were in a car, coming back from church on Sunday morning. I was staring out the window- probably wondering if lunch that day would be noodles or rice, when I saw a tree. This tree was different. It was fairly large, the size of the trunk showed its old age and the large roots were all showing, instead of buried in the ground.
That’s when God started speaking to my worry.
“This is a picture of what it will look like for you to go home. This is a picture of you. A tree whose roots are deeply rooted in Me. Because of this seasoned love- you will continue to grow even if your roots aren’t in perfect condition for growth. This tree still thrives out of its ideal environment.”
Peace filled me to the brim.
And over the past year I’ve seen the fruit/ reward of believing God would fulfill that promise. The promise of growth and rest at home, even if it wasn’t my ideal situation.
I knew that at home is where I become my least favorite version of myself. I was worried that I would get consumed into who I used to be and lose the person I had grown into during those 9 months away. But, God the Father has grace and gentleness that greatly outweighs my “power”. He knows me so much better than I know myself. He told me that this year was meant to rest in Him and learn to walk in all he taught me the year prior. All the while, not knowing what He had planned for after the year was done.
But, isn’t that like God? To keep our eyes on what truly matters- where He’s at in the here and now.
I decided to be faithful with each day and remember that God was taking me from glory to glory, even if it didn’t look like it on paper.
I spent this year declaring and fasting for my future.
I chose to seek out community and have been overwhelmed by the way they have held me together with joy, adventure, and prayer in the months where I thought it would be just Jesus and I.
I learned that very few people actually know what they’re doing with their life and that’s okay.
I spent time learning what breaks God’s heart and how to chase redemption in those things.
I have found my identity in becoming instead of doing.
I trusted God when I gave Him two options for my future, waiting for Him to tell me which one to do, and He gently said “Han, you choose.”
I learned to apologize, look people in the eye, and write when I don’t feel like it.
I found Jesus in the absolute mundane of life. And that’s been worth everything for me.
Throughout all this, Jesus has sat next to me and been my friend. I’m so glad to have trusted Him this year even in days of deep confusion and days of complete joy.
That’s my story of the past year and I have come out on the other side proclaiming that there is nothing sweeter than having a life fully led by Holy Spirit.
And even now, Jesus and I continue on to what’s next: Alumni Team Leading for World Race Gap Year!
