One of my favorite things about writing blogs is that I get to invite y’all into things that I’m currently processing in my brain.
So, one of the latest things on that list is the fact that I am headed home in May.
Not for good – that’s coming in August.
Only for a week!
I’m coming for my brother’s wedding!!
The joy in my heart to see my brother marry the woman of his dreams is unbearable.
Maggie, Brantley, from the bottom of my heart, I can’t wait to celebrate with you.
It feels like yesterday I was talking with my mom about needing to come home month 8, feeling like it was a world away.
Now here I am, sitting in a coffee shop, one month away from flying out, processing through what it’ll be like.
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With that, there are a lot of other feelings that come along with going home, just for a week.
This is just a peek into what I’m thinking.
EXCITEMENT.
I am so excited to hug my fiancé.
I am excited to see my siblings + parents + soon to be in-laws.
I am excited to eat Chick-Fil-A. Yes, this is real.
I am excited to take a hot shower. Every day. (WHAT).
I am excited to sleep in a comfy bed.
I am excited to wash my clothes in a washer and not by hand.
I am excited to have my quiet time with a hot cup of coffee and soft blanket.
I am excited to refill my American body wash.
I am excited to ride in the car with Grant & just talk about life.
CONFUSED/UNSURE.
I am confused about how to drive.
I am unsure which side of the car to get in.
I am unsure how to handle traffic that isn’t constant honking & near wrecks.
I am confused about what it will be like to want something + be able to get it instantly.
I am unsure what I’ll do when quality coffee isn’t a dollar.
I am unsure what I’ll do when I see brands in the grocery store that I forgot existed.
I am unsure how it’ll feel to be away from my squad.
I am confused about not sleeping on the floor in a tiny room with 5 other people.
NERVOUS/FEARFUL.
(aka – you can pray against these things)
I am nervous my reaction to the states won’t be ‘good’ or ‘right’.
I am nervous that being overwhelmed will keep me from being kind + gracious.
I am nervous about seeing things that are expensive and how I will feel.
I am nervous about spending all the money in my bank account because of lack of self-control. (A little exaggerated, but this is real).
I am nervous I will be tired because of all the travel.
I am nervous about hearing people talk in English all the time.
I am nervous my understanding of American culture and how to respond is gone.
I am nervous I won’t want to go back on the field after being ‘comfortable’ for the first time in a while.
SAD.
I am sad about missing month 8 debrief with my squad.
I am sad I only get to be home for a week.
I am sad I can’t see everyone I’d like to in the short amount of time.
I am sad that I’ll have to wash my current clothes 5-10 times for them to smell nice. (Bummer).
I am sad that I won’t have time to recount the incredible memories I have made so far in 8 months (at that point).
I am sad that my squad mates won’t be there to experience the emotions with me.
I am sad, in this moment, because I miss my siblings and fiancé so dang much, and I still have to wait a month to see them.
THANKFUL.
I am thankful my mom was financially able to make this happen for me to be there. (THANKS, MOMMA!)
I am thankful I have such an incredible support system at home to return to.
I am thankful I have an incredible squad that’ll welcome me with open arms when I return to the field.
I am thankful my mentors and coaches and squad leaders are already prepping me for this.
I am thankful I am aware and able to feel and articulate these emotions.
I am thankful for the incredible things the Father is teaching me on the race + will teach me as I go home for a bit.
I am thankful for the season of being engaged, and that Jesus gave me the gift of seeing Grant twice during this 11-month journey.
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Okay, so that’s kind of a start to the things I am feeling.
That is a whole heck of a lot of things at once.
I need your prayer.
Against the fears.
For the gratitude + joy in coming home for a little bit.
For an easy transition back to the field.
For my time at home to be supernaturally extended and deeply enjoyed.
For my family and for Grant, and us having to say ‘see you later’ again. (It’s not easy).
For a beautiful celebration of Brantley and Maggie. & For them to feel LOVED.
For my processing of month 8 debrief things and preparing to come home.
And… anything else Holy Spirit prompts you to pray for. I trust Him.
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I love you so much.
As always, thanks for reading.
All my love,
HB
