“HELP!” one of my co-workers yells as she darts down the hallway into a residents room. I chase after her, to come into the room with her straddling a resident, her bed deflating, and handing me the bag to start helping her breathe. I start pushing everytime I breathe, trying to stay calm. The other aid looks at me and says “Have you ever done CPR before?” I shake my head, and honestly I didn’t want to start compressions. “Well you’re going to have to start them soon.”
Right after she said that the nurse came in. All of a sudden, there is a large grunt from the nurse, and a huge crack from the resident. Every time the nurse pressed down, her rib bones grinded together. Another nurse came in and took the bag from me. Apparently my face was ghost white and I looked in shock. The other nurse said “Go sit in the hall, honey, and wait for the EMTs to come in, show them where the room is.” I walk into the hall and check my phone. I was in the room for 3 minutes. 12 minutes later, at least 20 EMTs walk in the door, check her pulse, her heart was beating again. The nurse walked out and said, “Now that is how you save a life.”
We don’t know how long the resident was in cardiac arrest, but those 15 minutes of hard CPR, saved her life. Afterward, the family was upset that their mother had a broken rib cage, that she was bruised and in pain, but all that woman could do was say thank you.
Now I know that this is a gruesome story to just be writing about, and honestly it isn’t something that happens often in a Nursing Home. Most people are on Hospice or have a living will of a DNR (do not resuscitate). This was on our rehab unit where people come to stay after a hospital stay to receive therapy until they get back on their feet.
There was a time in my life where I was in cardiac arrest. I stopped pursuing God. I decided that I was being given Jesus from other places, like the ministry I was in, a boyfriend who had an amazing relationship with God, and then my school; it being a christian college and all. I believed that if I surrounded myself with God like things or people that it would be good enough in the long run. That I could do whatever I wanted as long as it ended in church on Sundays and having Jesus chats with friends, I would be fine.
My temptations ruled my life, and ended up not being temptations, but hole-fillers for the God-shaped hole in my heart. I had moments of spiritual high, where I chose that “this time I will fully commit myself to God,” where then a few weeks or days later, I was back to the habits that I had fallen into.
Those moments where I felt God calling me were compressions…. God giving me a chance to start my life again, focus on him. Each time, I let my heart lay lifeless, waiting for something or someone else to come and restart it.
God pushed and pushed and pushed. I responded with a broken chest, bruises and pain. Every time that he pushed, or that I went deeper into sin, the worse my injuries and conditions were.
I am reading a book called “Lean on me”. In this book it has a chapter on perseverance. One section talked about how the author felt stuck after her divorce, similar to how I felt after losing my brother and other hardships that I had gone through. She went to a church service where the pastor said a line of “The slow and inefficient work of God.”
God moves on his time. His grace washed back and forth, over and over until it wears at our soul and we are submerged in his love, living life 100% in God’s will. In some cases we stand far away from the shore line, and God grace is only able to reach us when a storm comes and knocks us down. But if we start standing where the waves reach our toes, God’s grace is able to move when it needs, God’s love in reach at all times.
God’s grace and love is always in reach, but it is sometimes our choice to run away from it. Honestly, it was a while for me to take the steps in God’s direction. I prayed, and watched as I waited for God to show me a way, and he delivered with the World Race. Even after that, I’ve sometimes failed to abandon my comforts, completely give up my temptations, struggles, and fears.
I am new to this surrender and abandon thing. Honestly, I’m a child to this process, but this is the best I have felt, about myself, my future, and my relationship with God and those around me. I am eager and excited to see where this new, revived life will take me, even though my ribs are healing, and I am recovering, I know that God’s plan is going to take me to places, I have never imagined going….to do His work I’ve never imagined doing (Like India, Ecuador, and Zambia 😉 Now that I feel “alive” again, in spite of the residual pain at times, I’m only grateful that God gave me spiritual CPR.
“But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions- it is by grace you have been saved.” Ephesians 2: 4-5
I know that it is God’s plan for me to go on this mission trip. His plan to use me and my experiences to serve others whose plights in life are far worse than mine. I have no backup, no alternate plan of what I could do this year. I am really stressed out, though, because I have to have my first deadline of funding by August 7th. I am only $500 away from this, and I’m trusting that I can reach it, because God has already provided so much already. If you are wanting to donate, click the DONATE button at the top of the page. THANK YOU SO MUCH TO ALL WHO HAVE ALREADY DONATED or helped so much with my first fundraising event (my garage sale that got me $1200 closer to my goal…I feel so blessed!) I wouldn’t have gotten this far without your love and support.
I also need continued prayers as I am approaching this deadline ($500 by August 7th), my next deadline($5000 by mid-September), training camp, and launch.
Blessings!
