Hi Friends!
My time in the Philippines is coming to a close, and its super bittersweet. I love the people I’ve met here, but I am also super excited for the people I will meet in Thailand! Also, its all squad month, which means all 39 of us will be together again!
This Month’s song in the Sing a New Song Series is from Rita Springer’s “Defender”. My favorite version is by Steffany Gretzinger from Bethel, which I will link here.
I came upon this song when my Squad Leader, Alex, asked me if I had ever heard it. I hadn’t, so I quickly checked it out! I immediately thought it was a great song, but It wasn’t until much later that I really listened to the lyrics.
I have mentioned in my past blogs that I have been feeling a bit disconnected from the Lord. The months leading up to the race I had felt so connected to Him and was hearing His voice many times daily. Even at launch, I felt His presence more than ever before.
It felt like as soon as I stepped foot on Philippine soil, I had lost Him.
There were moments every now and then where I felt him. But it still felt distant.
Maybe as if I was seeing an old friend, rather than my very best friend. Or, if I did start to feel like I had my best friend back, it felt like there was someone else tugging me away from Him.
On Saturday night, we were able to go to Eagles Nest and watch the sunset over the city. We did some praise and worship and talked about our week and what we needed prayer for.
I asked my teammates to pray for my quiet time with the Lord and to hear Him in general. I like to have quiet time dedicated to Him every morning. I usually like to do a book study, and I have been trying to find a book of the bible that I felt connected with.
I realized, however, that while it is awesome that I want to feel connected to His word, I was getting caught up in the actual studying of the Bible, rather than just getting connected with my best friend.
I felt like every time I was getting close to hearing from Him, there was some kind of distraction.
Sometimes it was things of this world, like social media.
Sometimes it was getting caught up in religion vs. relationship and focusing too much on studying the Bible as if it were a text book that I was just “supposed to” read. Sometimes it was lies from the enemy himself, whispering that it wasn’t worth my time.
When it was time for bed that night, I wanted to listen to some music, and the first song I chose was “Defender”. I had listened to the song just the night before, but tonight I actually listened to the words. I focused on my breathing, the words, and what the Lord might want to tell me through the song…
The reality of why I have been feeling so disconnected from Him is because I was acting as if I could do all of this on my own.
I was acting as if spending time with Him was an obligation, rather than a necessity that would give me armor to go in to my day protected and with a tongue of fire, ready to literally exude Jesus to anyone I meet.
The Armor of God has been something that has been coming up a lot for me lately. My mom has taught me a lot about it and I have notes from her scribbled all throughout Ephesians in my bible.
The thing about the enemy is that He wants you to forget all about the spiritual realm. He wants me to continue to just think that the reason I haven’t been connecting well with the Lord is because I am distracted by all the things going on around me.
I did a study on the Armor of God by Pricilla Shirer and she says “as long as you’re focused on what you can see with your physical eyes, he (the devil) can continue to run rampant underneath the surface. The more you disregard him, the more damage he is free to do. The enemy may be invisible, but he is not fictional. He is very real, and very persistent, waging war against us constantly.”
Like the opening verses of the song say, Jesus has already won the war that goes on in my mind. He has already come back victorious against the enemy. He WANTS to spend time with me.
“When I thought I lost me
You knew where I left me
You reintroduced me to Your love
And You picked up all my pieces
Put me back together
You are the defender of my heart”
He will defend our relationship at all costs, and I never have to worry about losing Him. It doesn’t work like that. He is always there for me.
And you know the best part?
All I have to do is p r a i s e Him.
All I have to do is w o r s h i p and b o w d o w n to Him.
All I have to do is just B e s t i l l.
I don’t have to be perfect. Quiet time doesn’t have to be regimented and by appointment only. He’s available to me all the time.
And its SO MUCH BETTER this way.
Thanks for reading!
