Acatenango, you got the best of me. The devil was upon you the day that I decided I was going to hike you. I have never felt more weak or inadequate in my entire life. I was embarrassed and ashamed of who I am because of you. I’ve never been the fastest or the most fit, but my physical body has never kept me from being apart of the group the way that you did. You made me want to cry. You made me want to give up. And you kept me from creating community by taking my ability to catch my breath the entire time up, down, and on the mountain. Even still, you’re keeping me from pursuing relationships by placing rest and time alone at the front of my mind. Acatenango, I don’t like being isolated and I don’t like how easy it has been for you to take control of my thoughts and actions for the past couple of days. So, Acatenango, I’m breaking the grip that you have on me. I will not allow you to control any part of me any longer.
You see, Acatenango, once I rid myself of your darkness, it has become impossible to see you for anything other than good. It’s normal to have rough days and let the devil consume you, but God is so, so present in every single inch of you. You are breathtaking, shocking, calming, mesmerizing, unique, flawless, and any other good and positive word there is. I can see God’s hand and careful detail in each and every part of you. You bring life from ash and you provide life for the most specific of things.
Acatenango, you may have thought that you bruised and broke me, but guess what? You didn’t. You provided me with the opportunity to look for the Lord in ways I never had and in ways I never thought I would need to. Thank you for allowing me to witness God and His beautiful display of creation along every part of you.
I am thankful for all the pain that you made me endure because you made me fight to see and hear God. You forced me to be strong when all I really wanted to do was be weak. You made for search for my strength from the Lord and you made me realize I need God in a whole different way than I ever knew was necessary.
So, thank you for trying to break me, because now, I know God and His love for me in a whole new way.
Love,
Hannah
