Dear Family,
I’ve been learning a lot about grace lately and it’s a lot more complex than you’d actually think. I had kind of pegged our family as one that loves each other a whole lot and sacrifices a whole lot for each other but we don’t actually really like each other. There is a saying that goes, “I love you, but I don’t like you…” But the truth is, I don’t really think you can love someone if you don’t like them. Am I not saying you have to agree with or accept everything, but how you react in that moment is what’s key.
I’ve noticed that I’m so willing to go out and serve and love on people and share Jesus’ heart with the world, but not with all of you. I see their shame and mistakes and I give them grace. I come alongside them and love them through their setbacks and their bad attitudes and show them Jesus.
But when it comes to you guys… not so much. I think the idea that your “mistakes” have the power to actually influence me and my life makes me come to you with a hard heart.
I can’t even use the excuse that the people I’m out here loving have had a hard life so they don’t know any better because you guys have had a hard life too. I’ve never had to deal with death and heartbreak the way all of you have so in reality, I should see you the same way.
So, I want to apologize. I’m sorry for all of the times that I didn’t love you like Jesus would and I didn’t show you grace when you messed up. I’m sorry for holding grudges and not choosing to walk beside you during a period of growth. And I’m sorry for shaming you for anything wrong you’ve ever done because I know the damage shame can cause and it’s hard.
My favorite part about grace is getting to extend someone grace and then loving them so hard and walking with them through it so that they can then gives themselves grace. Because I think giving yourself grace is the hardest part.
And I don’t want you to read this and think, “Wow Hannah is really growing, I’m so proud of her.” I want you all to read this and then put it into practice yourselves. Because I really don’t want to be a family that “loves each other, but doesn’t like each other” anymore. I’m challenging you all to pray about what grace looks like for each of you and then put it into practice. I believe our family could really do some damage for the Kingdom, but not until we first learn to love each other like Jesus does.
Grace is powerful, but the devil sure does know how to manipulate it in our family.
My heart cry for all right now is that you will first forgive, then love hard, and finally,
pursue one another.
Love,
Banana
