i don’t know if i’m ready for america. i don’t know if i’m ready for all the stress and to-do lists our culture brings. i don’t know if i’m ready for a life that never slows down. i don’t know if i’m ready to be back where pop culture and social media run the lives of most everyone around me. i don’t know if i’m ready to be back where iphones consume a majority of the time spent with friends. i don’t know if i’m ready to leave all my new best friends and family. i don’t know if i’m ready to leave the people who have consistently been pushing me so hard towards Christ for the past 9 months. i don’t know if i’m ready to leave a life where adventure and unknowns and being uncomfortable is a daily thing.
going home scares me a tad. not because i’m nervous to see my family and friends. i’m BEYOND excited for that. i’m scared because the enemy knows how to tempt me. america is a land full of temptations that i so easily fall into. my mind at home is consumed by music, movies, tv shows, social media, clothes, all the things. on the race, those temptations are somewhat there, but the emphasis definitely isn’t on them. the emphasis is on Jesus. i’ve learned so much about shoving those things aside and putting Jesus into every situation instead of the world. i’ve learned that anything and everything that isn’t centered on Christ or has Him brought into it is worthless and a waste of my time. i’ve learned that the enemy is the most manipulative and sneaky man out there. he will get you in ways that you won’t even think are bad. sometimes i find myself putting celebrities and my style and random things as idols above Jesus, but then i justify it by saying “oh it’s okay, the Lord made me these things to enjoy.” that’s not a completely false statement, but He didn’t make them for me to put them at a higher place in my life than Him.
my perspective on life and who my Father is has completely shifted in these last 9 months. i’ve been molded and shaped into a new woman of God. i see the world with a brighter light knowing that my God created everyone and everything on it. i walk confidently with my head up knowing my God created me to be exactly who i am and for a purpose. i selflessly love because i know that’s what i’m called to do. i’m called to be a representation of who Christ is and love the way He loves. all of that comes with a cost. it comes with pain and brokenness and trial. it comes with persecution and being “the weird one.” but it also comes with so much peace and love and blessings from the Father. it comes with knowing that for the rest of eternity i will be rejoicing in heaven about how great our God is. how could i pass that up for a few moments of satisfaction with earthly things?
so now i’m going home and i know how to defend myself against the enemy. i can do it with prayer, community, and the word. the enemy has no chance at my heart or life anymore. i’m so excited to see what the Lord has next for me in my life. it is very unknown, but that’s okay. i’m just trusting in Him and His plan for me.
my time on the race has been so sweet and so hard. i’ve learned incredible things about our God and about myself. i’ve been so blessed by this experience, and now, here i am at final debrief wondering how it’s almost over. i already regret the times i sat wishing it away and longing to be home. truth is, my home is with Christ, so i’ve been home all along. He is my comfort, my shelter, my protector. He is everything. so no matter where i am, who i’m with, or what i’m doing, as long as i’m walking in step with my Father, i’m home.
xoxo,
han
