Hey, Hi, & Hello
I’ve been dwelling on this first post for forever-well since November. I figured it was probably time to just write it. But I’m going to be upfront with you, blog writing stresses me out. This may be rough; bear with me.
Here’s the thing, it’s not that I don’t enjoy writing because in fact I love it. But I love the privacy of my journal where I don’t have to worry about the placement of a comma or proper-ness of my writing. Reading my journal, my blog now, is a look at me — unapologetically honest and messy. When it comes to blogs, I feel like there is a pressure to be perfect. A pressure to look like you know your stuff. A pressure to say the most articulate and profound words. Actually, I feel there is that pressure wherever I turn. Personally in my life I feel a constant stream of pressure: to raise and deal with money responsibly, to work hard, to create beautiful and original art, to please people, to stay on top of communication with the people I love. I could go on, but you get the gist.
To get back to the point, earthly perfectionism makes me anxious. So, I ask you to loose any expectations you may have for my blogs. I’m going to write from my heart but let me tell ya, it’s going to be messy and far from perfect. I’m going to do so knowing that with God, I am complete. The lie that I will be complete only after becoming perfect and getting everything right has no place here. I’m going to live my life and document it with Philippians 3:12 in mind;
“Not that I have already obtained this [resurrection] or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.” (ESV)
I have made many mistakes and have intentionally sinned, and for that I deserve life apart from the creator of the heavens. But guys!! Our God is an incredibly loving, powerful Father who didn’t let our messes keep us from sitting with him. Like my favorite favorite analogy is that we are little kids playing outside. Our father has warned us that the mud puddles make us messy and the sticks and stones break us. But just because we still play in the puddles and get hurt because of our curiosity and intentional disobedience does not mean that our father choose to abandon us messy and hurting. He actually does the opposite — he picks us up, sits us on his knee, makes us clean — all with a patient generous love that only a perfect Father can have.
Growing up we will grow in understanding that wow these rules really make sense. But that realizations does not mean we suddenly are perfect. Rather as talked about in Philippians, our lives should be lived out striving for wisdom and the search for a life modeled by and shared with Christ. Growing up means learning how to have an authentic relationship with our Father, how to love, how to be obedient.
Speaking of obedience, I could tell y’all my story of why I am even writing a blog on the World Race website.
Pause.
I need to clarify, its not just my story alone. First and foremost it’s a story of learning to walk and run and dance with my heavenly father. Secondly I firmly believe my story is a complex story better titled our story. It is a hat tipped to those who have loved me and have been loved by me, who have taught me and who I have taught, who I have giggled with late into the night and danced with in the sunshine and lest I forget those who I prayed and worshiped with. My life wouldn’t be the life it is without the intersections and weavings between the lives of others. Just to sit and think, for those reading-both who I know & have yet to meet; whether you just read the words I write or God puts it on your heart to donate, our lives are connected and wow I pray you live a life full of blessings.
Unpause.
The summer of 2016 I was in my second to last year as a camper at a summer camp I grew up going to. The Lord introduced me to some pretty sweet people, but one empowering Christ-lovin’ woman in particular he laid on my heart. She was preparing to Go on the race and in every breath she breathed about it, Joy and trust was breathed out. It was then that I first heard of the World Race but it was also one of the first times I had seen the beautiful human response of total obedience to God’s call on one’s life. Well, leaving camp that summer I returned to the life of answering questions about where I would attend college and what I would study. The race popped up in my mind but I didn’t even consider it as a post-graduation option. I mean like God, I had to go to college. That’s what everyone else lead me to believe and I didn’t want to disappoint them or show them that I was not smart enough for college. So I set my sights on a Christian college midway through my senior year.
The summer before I began College, I retuned to camp for my final year as a camper and that young woman I spoke of before, she was my counselor. A ton of excitement and joy was the immediate reaction, but through out the week, oh wow there was so much good. Amongst numerous other conversation topics that rocked my world, was the reoccurrence of missions. While talks about my heart for people and God’s heart for me, exited the passion that was ignited a year previous, I got home from camp and that fire dimmed.
It’s a whole lot of ins and outs to my story while at college that at this point I’m not going to get in to. The main part I need you to take out of this is, I went in expecting to learn about art and history, but I came out learning that no earthly plan has more power than God’s plan for my life.
So I released my grip, and let the Lord lead.
I returned back to the camp this past summer to work in the dining hall and wow what a time of revival and God breathed truth. It was most definitely a season of surrender and a season of growth and I am thankful for it. I learned discernment and the incredible power of prayer. Like to think the Creator of the Heavens and the Painter of the stars bends down to listen to my prayers — and delights in it. Up until that point I strived to have a life with God but didn’t know how to listen.
From August to November (and honestly now even) the Holy Spirit has been helping me listen and discern the Father’s plans he has laid on my heart. But late October God made his voice heard through the voice of my boyfriend; “Han, when are you going to let God put you in missions?” A minute later, a link to the World Race application was emailed to me.
I turned to the bible. And God led me to Genesis 12.
“1 Now the Lord said to Abram, “Go From your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you.
4 So Abram went, as the Lord has told him”
Did you notice how there was no questioning in that situation? God was telling him to leave most familiar and comfortable things he knew, to put God first, and Abram had total obedience. You can see it time and time again in his story and God made a Great Nation from that obedience. I wanted that. Our God is never changing, he did that with Abram thousands of years ago and he will do that with us today. So I said yes. I let the Lord clean the mud off my cheek and take care of the scrapes on my knee. I took his hand and let him lead. I’m just now learning to dance and delight in the relationship that I have with my heavenly father. And its all because He chooses me over and over again and I finally started choosing him too.
Peace
Han
