maybe this is me practicing to share the small moments as they happen, maybe this is a random word-vomit, maybe this is something that God wanted me to share- so whatever reason it may be, here is something brief.
8.20.19
“I was struggling with lies the past few days that my lies aren’t powerful, and that I am unworthy to receive the things I pray about. I was told that, because God decided not to fully fund me during the 14 days of prayer-when that was a daily prayer of mine, even partnered by others- that I am not fit to pray big prayers. Or I thought I had done something too wrong that I was not worth investing in- fully providing for. I thought I was too far gone that I didn’t deserve provision. I allowed lies and expectations to get in the way of seeing how BIG God did provide for me in those 14 days. I forgot the Truth that I cannot outrun God’s grace. I forgot the Truth that I have a calling, because I have been chosen.”
God put 1 Corinthians on my heart this morning so I was reading the last part of chapter 1. In that part, Paul is writing about how God chooses the people that the world least expects, the foolish, weak, low, those lacking in power, the unwise etc. He finishes the chapter with the verse saying, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord” 1 Corinthians 1:31. God used that passage (1:17-31) to speak renewal into me.
I often feel weak. I often am foolish for forgetting truth. I feel as though my prayers cannot harbor any power-I’ve never healed, I don’t feel too confident in commanding prayers, and my big requests don’t always get answered in the time/way I imaging they ‘should’. I stopped going to college after one really rough year and quite frankly did pretty poorly during most of it. I am a sinner. I am the opposite of qualified to go in an opportunity as big as this. But it is my lack of qualifications that rather than disqualifying me, gives me all the qualities of someone that God wants to use.
Reading this morning was simply a really sweet reminder that I am enough for this. The lies that I am being fed, I am allowed to spit out and reject. I was given more peace that this financial mountain I am climbing is worth the climb and will soon be over. I am sure that God’s provision and grace are two things I can never out run. It was a encouraging note to keep seeking truth in the word so my heavenly wisdom will grow. It was a little justification that this 9 month crazy trip im going on is EXACTLY what I am supposed to be doing.
