Marriage. Woah. Not gonna lie, I have been thinking a lot about getting married this month and I don’t even have a boyfriend or a love interest. Why am I getting excited about being married?
Well, the truth is, I had a conversation with my friend Ryan the other day, and I have never talked to a man who’s heart is so pure and strong in my life. And he taught me a lot about expectation.
Ryan and I specifically had a conversation about lust because this has been the sin that’s hurt me the most in relationships. Now, I was always told by men and also by women too, that it was mentally and physically IMPOSSIBLE for men NOT to lust, even Christian men!! If a woman walked by that was wearing something too low or too tight, I thought that it was actually impossible for a man not to think sexually about that woman, even if it was for a second. Now this goes both ways, for men and women.
We are so wrong. And we have been lied to. And we should never make an excuse for a man or a woman to lust ever again because it is 100% possible with God. Ryan told me about a sermon by Todd White that he listened to that said this man has not lusted in 10 years. 10 YEARS!! Just like it is possible for someone to receive freedom from depression or anxiety, it’s possible for someone to be completely free from lusting and sexual sin.
If you hear these words from someone you are dating or are wanting to date, “every man/woman does it, it’s hard not to”, “it’s just wired in our brains, we can’t help it,” “we literally cannot survive without it,” RUN. Because that person is making the statement that God cannot heal every one of our sins and that we will just use that as an excuse to keep sinning. Don’t get me wrong, we have the ability sin, but don’t define yourself as a sinner. If you wake up every morning and tell yourself you are a sinner, you will most likely sin. But if you wake up every morning calling yourself a son or daughter, we will walk in sonship.
In John 8 there is a story about a woman caught in adultery. The crowd wanted to condemn the woman and stone her, Jesus said if you have never sinned before, throw the first stone. Everyone ended up leaving except for the woman and Jesus. Jesus asked if even one of them condemned her. John 8:11, “And Jesus said, neither do I. GO AND SIN NO MORE.”
If Jesus said go and sin no more, then it must be possible to actually live without sin. He wouldn’t have said it if it wasn’t possible, so why do we keep making the excuse that we are sinners and will always sin? In order to get rid of lust, or watching porn, or masturbation, or any sexual sin, it’s a complete rewiring of the brain. It’s not just a new flip phone, or put a lock on the computer, or get rid of social media, but a complete brain change. We should be able to look at the opposite sex (who isn’t your husband or wife) in any context and not feel lust towards that person.
Matthew 5:30 says that if your right hand causes you to stumble, it is better to cut it off than for your whole body to go to hell. But if your brain wasn’t causing your hand to stumble, you wouldn’t have to cut it off. Your brain tells your body what to do, so in order to break the bondage of any sin, it all starts in your brain.
Ryan allowed me to see my husband in a completely different light. I’m not by any means saying that we shouldn’t give people grace, but I am saying that our expectations should be very high when searching for our spouses. If you feel in the slightest bit that the person you’re dating is struggling with sin and they are bringing you into it, that is not fair to you. We marry someone because they make you a stronger team for the kingdom, they don’t put you down and make you carry their sin and hurt you from it.
Now that I am aware of how possible it is, I want everyone else to be aware of it too! Because we should never settle for less than what we deserve. And someone who is still in bondage is in no way ready for a marriage. I am excited for marriage, I’m excited for my husband, I’m excited to find someone who chases after God way harder than I do.
Let’s change the way this world sees marriage. Lets be the generation for lifelong marriage.
If you want to listen to the sermon Ryan listened to, it is Shock Your Heart With The Holy Ghost Defibrillator by Todd White on YouTube!
You should also follow Ryan O’Keefe on Facebook because he’s a super cool dude and preaches straight from the heart of Jesus.
