This past ten days I had training camp in Gainsville, Georgia where my faith and relationship with my Lord flourished, not to mention I got to know all the courageous and compassionate people I will be spreading Jesus around the world with for the next nine-months. Before this week, I have not acknowledged God personally or felt that intimacy in our relationship. Both surrender and restoration were my words I built upon throughout this week. At the beginning of camp I questioned my worth, why would God call me to such a significant responsibility as building His kingdom? The quote by Christine Caine came to mind, “God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.” To experience and allow the Lord to work through you, first you must know you are worthy of His love. I struggled with sin and past mistakes but acceptance and forgiveness is true. He will take me the way I am. I had the chance to share a little of my testimony with my team, who were loving and reassuring. I have never felt more peace and closer to God, as I looked to Him for my strength and comfort in those times of vulnerability. Let me tell you, a week of tenting it, bucket showers, and porta potties for bathrooms was so out of my comfort zone. I really did have to relay on God, as He became my safety and security. When we are uncomfortable, is when God works exceptionally.
Mid-week, I was at the point of disappointment, as I was not having a deep connection with God myself, while others around me were having that experience themselves. It was not that God was absent from my life, it was myself building a wall between Him and I. Not fully submitting to His way of life daily. I was not counting the cost of placing Him at the center of my life and allowed myself to put God into a small box, representing only one area of my life. Only to go to Him, if I have time or need something. Surrendering all comes down to choice. Rather than forcing a relationship we must obey and act out His love, but also sit and let Him do His work in time. Same for me and my individual journey with the Lord, I must worship and spread Him into every aspect of my life and then be patient, opening my eyes, and my ears, and my heart to God and in time He will speak to me. I wanted that intimacy so I must surrender and wait patiently, no frustration, no forcing. Surrendering yourself is not one glorious moment, it is numerous little moments everyday you choose to live Him out more and more. It is simply loving and listening to people. Being the gospel. Last Friday, we had worship and the lyrics, “I will build my life upon your love it is a firm foundation.” really resignated in me. Pursing God and His purpose for me life, is merely loving others. You will walk in freedom when you know His truth and act on it. That same night, surrounded by three hundred other missionaries, I raised my hand as the pastor restored me as a daughter of Christ. I chose to acknowledge God in all my ways and put Him above all else in my life. God slowly has been peeling away at my heart, breaking me down mentally and spiritually and building me back up in the most magnificent way. The way He works is unexplainable, but also extravagant.
This week instilled in me a fire of faith in my heart that I will never let burn out. I will be singing His praise forever more and cannot wait to show His love to people neglected of something so beautiful.So I not only surrender nine-months to the Lord, but my whole life. Building His kingdom does not begin when I go out on the mission field, but today in my daily life. Always strive to be a reflection of Jesus. I have been so overwhelmed by all the support and prayers I have received throughout this journey, much love and thanks to you all!
