Sitting writing this blog post in my favorite Newnan coffee shop. Its my last day here in Newnan before I move for good and I’ve been mulling over a lot of cool and sweet things I’ve learned in the last couple weeks. As most of you know, within the last month, I’ve house hopped to 4 different houses, my parents moved to Virginia, I packed all my belongings into a small 50 pound backpack, I hit the last home stretch of fundraising, I restored old friendships, I said final goodbyes to some of my most favorite people, I wrestled with friends designing cool dorm rooms as I imagine myself living in a tent and using a porta potty for a year, and I mostly was pretty uncomfortable and angry at the world.
What has probably been one of the hardest months of my life has simultaneously been the sweetest. I’ve had a lot of time on my hands to engage in fellowship, but also to swing in hammocks and sit in coffee shops getting to talk to God and know Him a lot deeper than I ever could’ve imagined this time last year.
Truth is, the last couple months dealing with changes in the world race (and my parents && friends moving) has been hard. Like, really hard. There’s been that disconnect of telling people “yeah, I’m not too fond of staying in Georgia hahaha but ya know it’ll probably be pretty awesome! He called me to it!” It’s so easy to expect God to magically change your attitude when He calls you to something. a good attitude and pure excitement is supposed to follow when I accept the call, right? Nope. Thats something that sometimes takes a lot of work, truly. Changing my speech and my attitude consciously when I wake up every morning, in every conversation. But I also think it takes being honest with God and sitting in the disappointment for just a second. Nothing changed until the moment I sat in my hammock and journaled onto tear stained pages, “God, I am brokenhearted”
Don’t get me wrong, I AM beyond excited for what I’ll experience, but I also am feeling all the other emotions pretty strongly as well. I’ve kinda always hated change. Either way, the bottom line in all these feelings are, I never committed to traveling the world for a year. I committed to growing in hard places, discipling people, and sharing the love of Christ no matter where my feet are. Thats it. Point blank period. Thank goodness Jesus is bigger than my feelings. In fact, while I was busy being angry and sad, the Lord continued to abundantly bless me in fundraising. He has given me opportunities to form relationships and tell people what I’m doing. Whether it be random girls in coffee shops, the US census man who knocked on the door this morning, or the girl I met a town 25 minutes away knowing who I was and what I’m doing, there’s multitudes of people praying big big prayers for me and my year. There’s also multitudes of people continuously supporting me financially. Through opening their space for fundraisers, $10 donations, and $3,000 donations, the Lord is GOOD!!
So, while I do leave Newnan brokenhearted and hating the change of everything, I have so much love for this little town and the people in it. So much love for a God who is constantly and relentlessly chasing and teaching me. So much love for lessons and blessings I’ve received. I’m officially 15 days out from The World Race. That’s a scary thing to write. I have no idea what will happen or where it will take me. Things are happening!! Beginning!! I can truly now say, I’m excited!!
Please pray for me as I finish my last $3,000 fundraising, packing my last things, meet my team, and begin to get even more uncomfortable with whats ahead of me.
p.s. if you feel led to give financially, its not too late 😉
He has made everything beautiful in its time – Ecclesiastes 3:11
Highs and Lows – Hillsong
“Highs and lows
Lord you’re with me either way it goes
Should I rise or should I fall
Even so
Lord your mercy is an even flow
You’re too good to let me go”
