When you allow the Lord to strip you of this world, you are then able to receive more of His heart and His love for yourself and the people around you.
Abandon. This word rang in my ears at training camp as we were encouraged to abandon everything before we stepped foot onto our plane. The word abandon is defined as the practice or a course of action to give up something completely. I knew God was calling me to abandon everything in order to experience all that He had for me in these next 3 months in Africa. The only problem was that I didn’t know exactly what He was calling me to abandon. I knew the obvious ones like my friends, family, comfort, luxury, and everything I knew back home. But, I sensed God was calling me to abandon something deeper. So the only thing I knew to do was to pray and surrender all of me to my savior.
Throughout these past 5 weeks I have experienced moments leaving me with joy bubbling over for days and moments leaving me with sadness spilling down my face in tears. In these moments of deep sadness the Lord has so lovingly allowed me to crawl up into His lap, to rest my head on His chest, and to feel the warmth of His embrace. It’s here where I feel safe again and allow my heart to beat again with His. Im reminded that He is my refuge and the strong tower I run to. When I come to Him trembling and broken, He then can love me back together again.
So about week 3 I caught myself verbally boasting about different things to my teammates to try to impress them or make them think I was cool and not just some weirdo who obsesses over hotdogs (Which are not the same in Africa just btw). After bringing it to my team and asking for forgiveness and being completely transparent with them about how the Lord had brought this to my attention, I began to really spend time with Jesus in order to dig up the root of this boasting in my life. Jesus revealed to me the reason I had begun verbally boasting was because I wasn’t able to nonverbally boast anymore with my clothes, jewelry, car, purse, or anything material that I adorned my body with. “Oh.” I shrieked. “So this is what you had wanted me to abandon 3 weeks ago at training camp.” God had revealed to me that back in the states I had begun to find my identity and worth in the clothes I was wearing, the jewelry on my arm, the car I drove, and the purse I carried. In light of leaving all of those things at home, I was able to be stripped from the very things that I found my worth and identity in every day. God was able to show me that having nice things is not a bad thing, until you start to find your beauty in the makeup on your face, or the clothes on your body. Or when you base your worth and value on the jewelry you adorn your body with.
I’ll be the first one to tell you that as a 22 year old, loving myself and my body has been a life long struggle for me. I fall into the comparison trap daily and squeeze my thighs in the mirror thinking if only they were this small, and I suck in my stomach thinking if only I was this thin then I would be beautiful and be able to love myself. But I know this is a lie from Lucifer himself, because He knows full well that we cannot love others fully if we do not love ourselves. So on this 5 week journey I stop to celebrate the work that Jesus has done in me. I know it’s only the beginning, but I know God brings every good work unto completion. So as I casually pass by full length mirrors here in Zimbabwe, I pause and look at my makeup-less face, my dirty hair, my baggy basketball shorts, and my favorite pink shirt covered in dirt and holes and declare that I am beautiful and the world needs my own unique brand of beautiful. And I encourage you to do the same. Yes, I still have days when I shriek at the reflection in the mirror, but this is a step. A step I’ve taken to be kind to myself and to love myself exactly the way God created me to be. So I encourage you to take this step as well. To look back at the face that looks at you in the mirror and be kind to it. Love yourself well. It’s when you begin to love yourself fully that you can fully love others and allow your words to carry power. When you know you are beautiful, you can then share with others how beautiful they are. So flick that bad angel off your shoulder, punch Satan in the face, and scoot that kitty litter back over the piece of poop that Satan is and walk in freedom. Walk confidently in who you are and know that the world needs YOUR OWN UNIQUE BRAND OF BEAUTIFUL<3
XOXO,
Hannah
