A few weeks ago my squad and I got to serve at an overnight camp for middle school and high schoolers. I think I can speak for us all when I say we left those 5 days more tired, physically, spiritually, and emotionally than we knew possible. But even as 7 am wakeup calls turned to 4am beauty school in the bathrooms, as trips to the beach turned to manhunts for missing children, and as late night coffee time turned to 1am parties in the cabin my (very very very) tired self couldn’t deny the beautiful ways the Father was at work in the hearts of these students and the beautiful way he was at work within my own heart. The theme of camp was “Breaking the Silence”. We talked about what it meant to be bold in our faith and to speak truth in the day to day but also what it looked like to walk in vulnerability with the Lord. Vulnerability is a scary idea, one I didn’t dare to touch for a long time, and one I still approach apprehensively but man is it beautiful and man does it create so much space for the Lord’s goodness. Partnered with one of my squad mates we walked with 9 students as they learned and processed and walked in true vulnerabilty. They were brave as they shared scary, hard, and heartbreaking stories and began to lean into what true freedom in the Lord looked like. They found new faces of the Father, new truths the Lord had always craved to speak over them, and they pursued new forgiveness with themselves and those who hurt them.
We had one camper who seemed to really be struggling with his identity in the Lord. He had been to this camp 3 times already and in complete honesty had no desire to be there a 4th. As he walked in disobedience I couldn’t help but see the hurt and anger he had rooted deep inside him. I prayed and prayed for a breakthrough but each day the walls grew higher, the attitude thickened, and the disinterst greatened. It was to my complete disbelief on the last night that he asked to give his life to the Lord. Excited but confused I watched as he prayed and was prayed over and eagerly anticipated our debreifing time after the session. When we sat down as a team to discuss the evening he seemed willing to share what was on his heart and as others began to do so he jumped right in. He shared about feeling like he didn’t have a place at the table, that he never felt there was anywhere he belonged, and that he didn’t know if he was worthy of the Father’s love. I knew what he was feeling, I knew where he was sitting, because 13, even 16 year old Hannah had wondered the same things. But just as the Father had taught me he was so ready to teach this young man, and he let my broken and battered and scarred vessel be the one to plant the seeds. The seasons the Lord had so faithfully carried me through allowed me to remind him of the same truths others had reminded me of. That he was known fully, fearfully and wonderfully made in the likeness of God, that the Lord craved intimacy with him and called him specifically by name, that there was absolutely nothing he could walk in to walk out of the love of the Father, that he was delighted in and a child of the King most high.
How intentional is our Father. For years he had been preaparing my heart for an opportunity to share the seeds other had shared with me, preparing my heart to speak truth. For years he had been preparing this young mans heart to be receptive, preparing his heart to be vulnerable and ask hard questions. For years the Father had been preapring this very moment, for us to meet and commune and grow with one another. It’s so cool to see the ways God orchestrates such special moments, but it’s even cooler to think about all the ways he’s continuing to prepare my heart and yours. Who knows what He’s planning next?
Deuteronomy 31:8
“It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”
